No Donald, you can’t have a ‘free’ 747

Image courtesy of NPR.

I’ve been watching with some amusement the debate going on about the “free airplane” Qatar is giving Donald J. Trump.

I don’t know why there’s a debate. The Constitution is unambiguous on the subject.

No, Donald J. Trump cannot accept this “gift,” not unless Congress says it’s OK, or if Trump is putting a match to the Constitution. End of debate.

Some MAGAs, in their typically uninformed cynicism, are saying, “What about the Statue of Liberty? That was a gift from another country.”

I honestly don’t know how some of those people keep from drowning in their own spit.

The Statue of Liberty was a gift to the American people, not the American president. It was vetted and approved by Congress. Comparing the Statue of Liberty to this flying bribe is a false equivalency and the MAGAs need to just shut their damn mouths – they don’t know what they’re talking about.

But let’s say by some complete mangling of law and logic, Trump could accept this “gift.” Would it make sense to do so?

The current Air Force One is 35 years old. It’s a special model 747, not many of which were built. As it nears the end of its service life, parts are becoming scarce and maintenance costs are rising. It makes sense to replace it.

And that’s exactly what’s happening. Boeing is building two Air Force One replacement aircraft at a cost of just over $5 billion. They’re scheduled to enter service in 2027.

Meanwhile, the aircraft being “gifted” to Trump by Qatar is a 13-year-old Boeing 747. To refit it as Air Force One would cost $1 billion or more and take it at least two years, meaning it too would enter service in 2027.

Trump is saying he would use it as Air Force One for a while then park it in front of his presidential library.

If I understand this pretzel logic correctly, we would cancel the new Air Force Ones Boeing is working on and refit the “gifted” 747s, at a cost of $1+ billion but saving some of the $5+ Boeing wants for the new planes … but risking a breach-of-contract lawsuit by Boeing over the canceled order that could cost taxpayers unknown billions of dollars. Then, when his term of office ends Trump would park the “gifted” 747 at his presidential library, leaving the new president with no Air Force One.

Or do we refit the “gifted” 747 at a cost of $1+ billion AND buy the two Air Force Ones Boeing is building at a cost of $5+ billion?

Neither one of those scenarios makes any sense.

None of it matters anyway because by 2027 Trump will be so addled by dementia they’ll have to pour him into a Jell-O mold.

No, what happened is Trump toured the “gifted” plane and caught a look at those gold-plated toilet seats and said, “I gotta have me some of that,” which makes no sense. Does he even use toilets? I thought he just crapped in his pants.

There is no so-called debate. The answer is no. Deal with it. And remember:

Swallow your spit. Don’t try to breathe it.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .