Is there a Nobel Prize for clusterfucks?

President Kim Jong Trump and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth – call sign “Hops & Barley” – have both told the American people that America “obliterated” Iran’s efforts to build an atomic bomb.

They sure do love that word “obliterate.” I bet President Kim Jong Trump copied it from Hops & Barley, who probably copied it from Secretary of State Marco Rubio, the only member of Kim Jong Trump’s cabinet who can use words bigger than one syllable.

After watching clips of Hops & Barley and Kim Jong Trump announce the attack I can say with confidence Iran was not the only thing obliterated that night. Now we know what happened to that case of Modello in the Situation Room refrigerator.

The question is: Did America really “obliterate” Iran’s nuclear weapon program? The answer appears to be a definitive: Who the hell knows?

Members of the military and key civilian experts have already begun walking back President Kim Jong Trump’s bombastic claims, and an Uber has been called for Hops & Barley.

According to Farrah Tomazin of The Daily Beast, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Dan Caine immediately undercut the hyperbole, telling reporters that while an initial assessment indicated “severe damage and destruction,” it would take time for the final battle damage to be known.

Scott Ritter, a former U.N. weapons inspector, had a different take. He said two facilities – Natanz and Isfahan – were empty when attacked and had already been targeted by the Israelis.

He also said the facility at Fordow had been fortified to the point it was impregnable and was not damaged by American bunker-busting bombs.

I have not been able to find confirmation of Ritter’s claims, nor have I heard Ritter say how he acquired this information, so for the time being take it for what it’s worth, which is nothing.

Despite boasts by Hops & Barley about the secrecy required to pull off the operation – meaning they changed the password for their Signals chatgroup – evidence would suggest Iran either had advanced knowledge of the attack or correctly guessed it was about to happen and tried to relocate key elements of its nuclear program from the site at Fordow. Satellite photos show a long column of trucks lined up at that site days prior to the attack – I doubt they were delivering pizzas.

In the eons since I wrote down these thoughts – yesterday – Iran mounted a half-assed attack against an American base in Qatar – all the missiles were shot down; Kim Jong Trump announced a ceasefire between Israel and Iran; a Fox News bottle blonde suggested Kim Jong Trump should be nominated for 34 Nobel Peace Prizes, not 34 felony indictments; AND Israel and Iran were back to bombing each other within a few hours and an unhappy Kim Jong Trump was saying they’ve been fighting each other for so long they “don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.”

Is there a Nobel Prize for clusterfucks?

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

I got this email the other day from a man who had read my story “Lighting the Corpses,” which was published in “Robert Bloch’s Psychos” in 1997.

I thought it might be fun to reproduce his question and my response, as we talk about some of the internal mechanics of the writing process.

Not to worry. I checked with him first and he gave me the OK to do this. I’ve withheld his name for privacy purposes.

What follows is his email and my response.

Hello Mr. Stone. I was just thinking about a short story of the above title (“Lighting the Corpses”), which was included in a collection by Robert Bloch, adequately named “Psychos.” It has left a lasting impact on me, as I believe that more insight must be utilized in not only researching the making of a so-called “Human Monster”, but the inclusion of those who have helped shape the individual where punishment is concerned. After all, if it is discovered that a skyscraper toppled and caused mass injury and death due to a contractor cutting corners by using cheap rebar or watered-down concrete, said contractor would be the one to pay, no? As such, I can feel for the character of Zeke, having been not only laid bare for prey at the hands of his father but literally handed over by his mother in order to save the daughter from the same sick abuse. You captured an extremely common rug-sweep here with a decent understanding of who Zeke was. Still, the line which resonated deeply with me was Zeke’s words to Father Baptist: “What you fear about yourself is true. You are your Devil”. Quite an interesting interpretation of the seemingly traditional theological beliefs. This story is a phenomenal work of art imitating life, and I thank you for the entertainment and insight it provided. Might I inquire as to what inspired you in writing this? It’s been a pleasure talking to you.

Hi (I withheld his name for privacy reasons),

Thanks for your email. It’s great knowing something I wrote decades ago has reached across the years to touch another person. I guess that’s one reason writers write.

Your question prompted me to remember why I wrote this story, because at first, I couldn’t, not until I thought of my life circumstances of that period.

I think everyone experiences one great love of his or her life, a person or relationship that rises above all others. When those relationships go bad they do so in spectacular fashion, something that could be likened to a pyre – in this case a pyre of emotion. Sometimes the emotion is grief; other times it’s anger. In my case, it was a toxic combination of both. I had just ended an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship with the love of my life and I was staggering through the stages of grief. “Lighting the Corpses” was the anger stage, ha ha. (I wrote another story, “The Googleplex Comes and Goes,” that took place in the grieving stage.) I’d finally reached a point where I could admit I wasn’t blameless in our failure … in fact, maybe it was mostly my fault.

I then began to wonder about the nature of rage. Was it a kind of evil, an evil that could be handed down, like an inheritance, to one’s descendents? That conversation with myself, coupled with my years of experience working at a newspaper, which gave me insight into the God-awful things people can do to each another, compelled me to write “Lighting the Corpses.”

I didn’t think much of “Corpses” at the time and I hated the title, but over the years it’s grown on me. I think it’s overwritten but also it’s wildly inventive, which I appreciate more these days. I’ve learned to forgive and embrace my youthful excesses. What’s the old bromide – youth is wasted on the young? Something like that.

It’s the only story that ever paid me royalties apart from the stories I wrote for all those Barnes & Noble horror anthologies. I attribute that to the Stephen King story in “Psychos.”

Thanks so much for writing to me. I have a writing page on Facebook and would like to reproduce your letter and my response – don’t worry. I won’t use your full name or include your email address. If you’d rather I not, drop me a line and I won’t.

Thanks,

Del

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

Mordant. Droll. Genius. “When You Are Engulfed in Flames” is my introduction to David Sedaris, and it is perfect.

President Moss in His Teeth returned early from the G7 economic summit in Canada to address urgent national security issues. And I would agree – we do have urgent national security issues. We have a drunken TV personality in charge of the Department of Defense, and we have an incompetent, lying, demented traitor at the helm of the Oval Office. Those sound like pretty urgent national security issues to me!

This is right out of the fascist playbook. When things are not going well domestically, the proper fascist starts a foreign war to distract the peasants from the awfulness of their plight.

And things aren’t going well domestically. Over the weekend, 13 million-plus Americans let us know in no uncertain terms that things aren’t going well – they protested against President Moss in His Teeth’s domestic policies, his foreign policies, his border policies, his economic policies, his usurpation of the legislative and judicial branches of the government. I’m sure he’d love it if we forgot about all that.

I’m not saying this will happen, but I would not be surprised if President Moss in His Teeth declares the current conflict between Israel and Iran constitutes an existential threat to the United States as a pretext for America entering that war.

Now, I will be the first to admit Iran poses a grave threat to the stability of the world, and a nuclear-capable Iran is out of the question. But I wonder about the timing of this event. The United States becoming involved in a conflict with Iran would be a convenient way of making Americans forget that there were over 13 million of us in the streets this past weekend, protesting the malignant evil of President Moss in His Teeth and his lawless, feckless, incompetent administration.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. 

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

I see where President Fleet Enema wants to replace Pride Month with something called Title IX Month.

How does one celebrate Title IX Month? Do they go out and beat up a trans athlete?

Luckily, we don’t require the president’s permission to celebrate Pride Month because Pride Month is not a government-sanctioned observance. It is of the people, by the people and for the people. The only people who don’t at least tolerate Pride Month are the bigots and we don’t really want to hang around with those folks anyway.

So happy Pride Month to those who observe!

And if you’re celebrating Title IX Month, perhaps I can find you a copy of the movie “The Birdcage.”

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

I’ll tell you this:

They try to arrest California Gov. Gavin Newsom and they’ll create an instant hero. Everybody will rally around him. He’ll become the public face of the opposition.

He’ll become the next president of the United States.

So go ahead, President Bits of Corn in His Poop, arrest Gov. Newsom. See what happens.

I can’t wait to see the expression on your flabby face.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

Well, for the past few days the poor little MAGAts have been publicly lamenting the feud between Elon Musk and President Training Bra. They’ve been wishing they could go back to the good old days when those two were getting along.

Here’s what I wish we could go back to.

I wish we could go back to the good old days when politics were boring, when the president just got up in the morning and did his job.

When Congress was, for the most part, responsible and did what they were supposed to do.

When the mail arrived on time.

When the Social Security checks showed up when they were supposed to.

When America seemed to have a moral compass and stood by its allies.

When the government seemed supportive of the idea of preserving the environment and protecting us from poisons and pollution.

When the government kept an eye on corporations, who didn’t really care about us and only cared about making money.

When religious people seemed to have a moral compass, and supported people who were honest and decent instead of criminals and thieves.

When lying would have cost you an election.

When Americans were decent. When people seemed to care about each other, and what was good, and what was right, and what was best, not only for us but the country.

It just seems these days that all the politicians care about is money and power, and all the people care about is being entertained.

I would love to go back to the days when politics were boring, because that meant that when I woke up in the morning, all I had to worry about is how I could make myself a better person, and achieve my life’s ambitions.

I didn’t have to worry about the future of democracy in the country, and the fate of nations.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

As President Tapeworm and Elon Musk went at it hammer and tong on Thursday, sad little MAGAts were squirming and squealing in Truth Social and Twitter as they begged Mom and Dad to stop fighting.

“Can’t we just go back to the way things were?” they pleaded, posting photos of President Tapeworm and Musk gamboling across flower-flocked meadows, hand in hand, happy as can be.

It was like watching children anguish over the parents’ coming divorce. It was epic. I was laughing my ass off. What I want to know is: Which one is Mommy and which one is Daddy?

Then the little MAGAts turned mean, accusing people like me of suddenly falling in love again with Elon Musk, and wasn’t I just the biggest hypocrite? This, from so-called “Christians” and religious believers who supported a liar, criminal and sexual deviant for president. Isn’t that rich?

No, little MAGAts, we don’t like Musk any more now than we did before. We still recognize that both President Tapeworm and Musk are a couple of psychopaths, though they present their pathologies in different ways. President Tapeworm views people as assets to be exploited to further his own means. Musk is all about engineering solutions, and people are impediments to those solutions. Both see people as objects to be manipulated for their benefit.

Unfortunately for both, government cannot be run like a business because there are these trifling details called “people” who keep getting in the way. That’s why the best government solution is often not the most efficient solution. Government must operate with a degree of empathy and compassion, qualities both President Tapeworm and Elon Musk sadly lack.

So little MAGAts, you’re just going to have to wallow in your pathology and choose which parent you want to live with. This is your dysfunctional household, not ours.

Oh, and would somebody let the Vance out in the back yard so it can do its business? And don’t leave that shit on the ground; bag it up and throw it away.

And somebody please wash the slipcover on the couch. It’s getting sticky.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .

Image by Lionsgate Films.

“From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” Starring Ana de Armas, Keanu Reeves, Ian McShane, Angelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne and Norman Reedus. Directed by Len Wiseman. 2 hours, 4 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.

Plot summary: A young girl’s father is murdered by a shadowy group of assassins, compelling the girl to devote her life to becoming an assassin herself to avenge her father’s death.

Spoilers: Knowing Mladen, probably.

Del’s take

Kudos to Dusty for driving us through some of the worst traffic I’ve ever seen on the Emerald Coast to catch a 6:30 p.m. showing of “From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” at the AMC Theater in Destin Commons.

Mladen said he’d seen worse, but he was being a pill so I think that’s a bunch of hokum. The traffic was bumper-to-bumper from Eglin Parkway in Fort Walton Beach to the entrance of Destin Commons, and it was uniquely chaotic – people doing U-turns at lane cutouts, semis entering the highway, tourists realizing they were in the wrong lane and shoe-horning themselves into microspaces. At times I felt like a character in a video game. Thank you, developers. Glad you’re rich and enjoying the good life while I’m out here in The Stacks trying to make it from Point A to Point B with my hide intact.

We had dinner at a place with robots as servers. The robots spilled drinks as they went out the door to the patio. I’ve seen humans do a better job of spilling drinks. Idiot robots.

Finally, after a gigantic and carb-heavy meal, we jiggled and juggled our way to the movie theater, where a Saturday night showing of “Ballerina” in the Dolby auditorium tipped the scales at a breathtaking $17! SEVENTEEN DOLLARS! I hate to sound like my parents, but ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Did Trump slap tariffs on this movie? Where’s the manager?

About the movie itself:

Mladen will tell you it’s great. No it isn’t. It’s an OK action flick made better by its association with the John Wick franchise, which started strong and is now edging toward absurdity.

Mladen will tell you Ana de Armas is the sexist assassin ever conceived – no she isn’t. She’s certainly easy on the eye but there’s nothing standout about her appearance or performance, which I thought was flat and unappealing.

There are some astonishing fight scenes in the movie, but as a “canon event” as the TikTokkers like to say, it’s much ado about nothing. Or is that adieu?

As a two-hour bit of crazy, mindless fun, it was pretty good. I don’t take these Wick movies seriously enough to delve into the psychological underpinnings of the plot, which is like a bowl of sugary cereal. It tastes good but doesn’t offer much in the way of nutrition or fiber.

I will say the dialogue for this movie wasn’t as clever as previous Wick films, and it seriously underutilizes some fine actors like Angelica Huston, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick and Norman Reedus. Also, there were some glaring logic flaws – would an assassin proficient in martial arts NOT be able to perform a simple pirouette? And if you wanted to have an assassin assassinated, why would you launch your attack at an armory, where your target has easy access to knives, guns and bandoliers of hand grenades?

I thought “Ballerina” was cleverly insinuated within the John Wick universe timeline and again, those fight scenes – a plate-smashing battle at a village full of killers, and a flamethrower duel – were top shelf. But in the end it was just another cliché-driven bloodbath. The violence was so sustained and over-the-top that after awhile it stopped leaving a mark.

One last observation: Eye-popping ticket prices notwithstanding, “Ballerina” may be the first movie I’ve seen where the Dolby sound made a real difference in the quality of the experience. Shotgun blasts and grenade detonations boomed across the auditorium and shook me to the ribs. Impressive!

After the movie we had to wait for Mladen to change his diaper – he was that excited. Prepare yourself for (a) lots of rhapsodizing about “Ballerina” as the greatest thing since sliced heads, and (b) lots of snarky comments about my lack of discernment.

I give “Ballerina” a grade of B. It was good for two hours of mindless entertainment.

Mladen’s take

I’d like to welcome “Eve” (Ana de Armas from “Ballerina”) to the A-list of moviedom’s ass-kicking, balls-busting girls – “Kate” (May Elizabeth Winstead, “Kate), “Love” (Sylvia Hoeks, “Blade Runner 2049”), “Furiosa” (Charlize Theron, “Mad Max Fury Road”), and “Riley” (Jennifer Garner, “Peppermint”). It’s a wonderful coincidence that they’re all good lookin’ as hell, too.

I’d like to exile Del to a retirement community for crotchety old timers where he can bellyache about the days long past when U.S. 98 was a single lane dirt road for donkey carts, Destin was a quaint fishing village, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 25 cents, and this country was a democracy.

A, Del, “Ballerina” is an A because the movie introduces shocking bits of novel, lusciously depicted violence. Good God, really? A grenade, a steel table, and Eve rolling over it before flesh clumps and blood splash an entire room. Damn, that’s memorable.

On two points about the film I agree with Del, who has capacity to make sense, though when that’ll happen is unpredictable.

Seventeen dollars is an outrageous sum to pay to see a movie, even in a Dolby theater but, by golly, the explosions, the shotgun blasts, the glass breaking, the metal crunching, the thumping soundtrack. Glorious they are in Dolby. And, as Del notes, “Ballerina” is integrated flawlessly with the John Wick Universe.   

If there’s a flaw with the film, it’s the puny principal bad guy spitting out sentences justifying immorality, mindless obedience, and bravado that he’s unable to back up personally. No, dear reader, the evil doer isn’t Trump, though his creepiness is Trump-like.

I’ve seen a lot of action movies across genres – sci-fi, spy, war, westerns – but I can’t recall any adventure film like “Ballerina” if the measure of excellence is the stunt en masse. The movie is violence pretty much from beginning to end. It’s the mesmerizing stuntmaking that drives the film to fresh heights of bonkers bloodshed.

“Ballerina” is worthy of the Wick franchise. And, yeah, drop the $17 to see it in a Dolby theater. The audio will blow you way like Eve blows away the bad guys.  

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.

This will be short but sweet.

After yesterday’s train wreck between Elon Musk and Donald Trump, I believe there’s only one clear path forward.

Jeffrey Epstein’s files must be released to public scrutiny. If it is determined Donald Trump committed crimes, he must be removed from office.

That’s it. No debate.

He should never have been allowed to run for office to begin with.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at delstonejr@yahoo.com. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .