Del reviews ‘The Conjuring: Last Rites’
Image courtesy of Warner Bros.
“The Conjuring: Last Rites” Starring Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Mia Tomlinson and others. Directed by Michael Chaves. 2 hours, 15 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.
Plot synopsis: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren are drawn into a final investigation when their daughter becomes involved with a family being stalked by demons inhabiting a cursed mirror.
Spoilers: one large spoiler toward the end of the review.
Del’s take
Mladen was out of town and I was bored, so I decided to throw in with Spooky Season and catch an afternoon showing of “The Conjuring: Last Rites.” Good thing it was daylight. I was the only person in the theater, which was scary enough. I would not have wanted to walk to my car in the dark!
Why hasn’t Vera Farmiga won an Oscar? She’s clearly a terrific actor, bringing expressiveness and pathos to her characters, no matter if she’s Norman Bates’ mother in “Bates Motel” or the two-timing Alex Goran of “Up in the Air.” She is the warm heart and brighter soul of the very dark “Conjuring” franchise, which includes:
“The Conjuring” (2013)
“Annabelle” (2014)
“The Conjuring 2” (2016)
“Annabelle: Creation” (2017)
“The Nun” (2018)
“The Curse of La Llorona” (2019)
“Annabelle Comes Home” (2019)
“The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It” (2021)
“The Nun 2” (2023)
“The Conjuring: Last Rites” (2025)
In “Last Rites” she continues a series of excellent performances as Lorraine Warren, the real-life paranormal investigator who, with her husband Ed, brought the idea of ghostbusting into the mainstream by way of their involvement in the Amityville Horror in which a New York couple claimed their house was inhabited by a violent demonic presence. That case itself led to the production of a series of movies and best-selling books.
“Last Rites” suggests an end to the “Conjuring” series but do you seriously believe any movie studio in its right mind would shut down a franchise in which the most recent installment generated $440 million in box office receipts? If anything “Last Rites” works as a springboard to launch a whole new series of spooky investigations – but with new characters.
Patrick Wilson’s Ed is ready to call it quits after suffering a near-fatal heart attack and his wife, Farmiga’s Lorraine, is on board with retirement. But daughter Judy (Mia Tomlinson) finds herself under constant psychic attack by ghosts and demons, brought into renewed fury by a haunted mirror picked up at a thrift shop by the Smurl family of blue collar West Pittston, Pennsylvania. This same haunted mirror has a history with Judy, having almost taken her life at birth. Judy and fiancé Tony (Ben Hardy) are drawn into mortal peril when Judy sees the Spurl’s predicament on TV and recognizes her connection. In the process she convinces her parents to take on one last ghostbusting gig and events proceed downhill from there.
The story is told through a series of flashbacks that bounce back and forth from periods of Judy’s childhood to the present, which is set in 1986. While it would seem to focus on the Spurl’s haunting, and Judy and Tony’s terror-cladded involvement, it’s really about Ed and Lorraine’s last hurrah. And we know it’s their last hurrah because at the end of the movie Ed – brace yourself for a spoiler – hands the key to the room containing the Warren’s haunted curious and artifacts to Tony. Expect future “Conjuring” installments starring the Judy and Tony duo.
“Last Rites” requires a bit of attention from the audience due to its constant shifting of viewpoint but overall it’s a decent piece of work by Chaves, who has helmed other “Conjuring” installments.
But is it scary? I’m hesitant to answer that question. Few horror movies scare me these days – my friend Hawk tells me that’s because I’m a horror writer and my senses have been dulled to all things that go bump in the night. I thought “The Ring,” “The Grudge” and “It Follows” were very scary, but horror movies that require gore or jump scares to frighten their audiences don’t do much for me. I thought there were a couple of scenes in “Last Rites” that were definitely creepy but overall I didn’t find it scary so much as long. At 2 hours and 15 minutes it seemed to go on forever.
Still, it’s a decent movie and I wish some of you had been in the theater with me as I wouldn’t have been so creeped out by the idea that there was nobody present to hear me laugh – or scream!
I’m giving “The Conjuring: Last Rites” a solid B. If you want to see it in theaters you’d better hurry – it’s been in theatrical release for awhile and will move on soon.
It’s a terrific movie for Spooky Season – if you don’t go alone.
Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.
Image courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures.
“Weapons” Starring Julie Garner as Justine, Amy Madigan as Gladys, Cary Christopher as Alex, Josh Brolin as Archer, Benedict Wong as Marcus, and others. Directed by Zach Cregger. 2 hours, 8 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.
Plot summary: A town is rent asunder when 17 of its children disappear, all from the same elementary school classroom. A teacher, a parent, a cop, a druggie, and a principal are enveloped by strange happenings as the saga of the missing kids devolves.
Spoilers: None
Mladen’s take
“Weapons” is a maybe. Maybe the recently released film is a horror flick. Maybe it’s a thriller. Maybe “Weapons” is slasher-y. Maybe it’s a good movie. And, maybe, I’ll never again see a film that Del recommends.
Yet, somehow, for some reason, the film has me bewitched. It’s the score. Every bit of music is matched perfectly to the scene it depicts. I’m telling you, no matter the combination of floating electronica or the talent of real musicians playing real instruments, the score made the movie’s etherealness palpable. I heard the eeriness, not as a complement to what was happening on the screen, but as its own story. As an aside, dear reader, a film’s score and its soundtrack are different animals. In this case, the soundtrack is sufficient.
What other recent movie scores accomplish the feat of making their films as aurally vibrant as their pictures? “Guns Akimbo.” “Dune.” “Blade Runner 2049.” “Ad Astra.” If you’re a streamer, listen to the soundtrack for “The Swarm.” Magnificent.
“Weapons” secondary merits are fairly abundant, too. The film is a slow burn that has you wondering what comes next. Also done well is the way the director blends “chapters,” each dedicated to one of our central characters, into a complete story with, of course, a climatic ending that brings all of them together. The way the director tells the story, as connected vignettes, was helped by very good acting. All the characters were well developed and both likable and unlikable.
The trouble with “Weapons?” The first had nothing to do with the film – I bought Del’s ticket to reciprocate a measly favor he did for me – but the others do.
I dislike movies where children are in peril or victimized or evil doers, even if they had no say in what they are doing. “Weapons” is that from beginning to end. It’s OK if high schoolers or young adults get whacked. In movies, as in life, they’re useless. But kids, “The Exorcist,” “The Omen”, “Children of the Corn,” come one. And, frankly, the ending ain’t all that cheerful, either.
What can I say? Depending on your taste or distaste, you’ll enjoy the movie or you won’t. For me, “Weapons” is a B-. I just don’t like seeing children in jeopardy, though I sure as hell adore the soundtrack that forced me to like a type of film I would normally disparage.
Del’s take
“Measly” favor my backside, Mladen. I figure you owe me an ADU in your back yard, maybe a Bentley. But I’ll agree with your B- grade of “Weapons” but not for the same reasons. Hear me out.
NPR says “Weapons” is a “terrific and terrifying movie.” No, it isn’t. It’s an OK movie with occasional moments of real tension, but as the curtain falls you’ll be asking yourself if it was worth the fuss.
I do appreciate the way the story was put together. As Mladen said, it’s divided into “chapters,” each one told from a different character’s viewpoint, and the chapters overlap, which at times explains inexplicable events from preceding chapters. Its structure reminded me of a Christopher Nolan movie.
The evolving inexplicabilities were more puzzling than frightening. I’ve seen that done effectively – the vastly underrated “The Crazies” springs first to mind. And that’s the problem with “Weapons.” It’s pitched as a horror movie but for me it wasn’t scary, and that’s a shame because the trailers were actually very creepy. It was over-the-top gory but I don’t conflate blood with tension. If you’d like to watch a REAL scary movie check out “The Innocents” on YouTube, with Deborah Kerr. THAT movie is terrifying, and not one skull was crushed in the process although Mladen would hate it because again, children are placed in peril.
I wasn’t as sold on the soundtrack as Mladen. It followed the modern sensibility of using music you don’t normally associate with a horror movie, and in my opinion it didn’t amplify the sense of foreboding, which I thought was the purpose of a horror movie soundtrack. They did include one very cool George Harrison song I’d never heard. I’ll be looking that up and adding it to my YouTube music playlist.
Quite a few of the characters were unlikeable. The lead viewpoint character, Julie Garner’s Justine, was a quarrelsome, argumentative alcoholic who helped her ex cheat on his present girlfriend. Josh Brolin’s Archer was an enraged finger-pointer in the MAGAt style, and Benedict Wong was an appeaser with questionable taste in lunch (Six hotdogs and a bowl of Cheetohs? C’mon!). The only real sympathetic character was the little boy, Alex (Cary Christopher), who just begged for a responsible adult to swoop in and rescue him from his horrible situation.
Amy Madigan was splendid as Gladys. I didn’t recognize her. I’ve never seen her in a role like that and she nailed it. Kudos … and maybe an Oscar nom?
But alas, not scary. At the movie’s climax people in the audience were laughing, for good reason. Events bordered on comical, and it wasn’t the intentional humor relief necessary to keep the audience invested in a scary story.
So yeah, Mladen, a B- for “Weapons.” Not a bad movie but not a scary Spooky Season movie either. I’ll save my shivers for “The Conjuring.”
Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.
[ Cover image by Eugene Kim. ]
This is a short story, and it is short even for that. I say up front because I don’t want you to think you’ve been tricked out of your money (pardon the seasonal pun). At 99 cents, “Trick-or-Treat” is priced the lowest Amazon allows. If you don’t think a story of that length is worth a buck, please don’t buy this book.
Now, about “Trick-or-Treat”: I wrote the story back in the ’80s, and you’ll notice dated references to corded telephones and so forth. True story: The first cordless phone I ever saw was in the film “Terms of Endearment.” I remember thinking it was a trendy piece of technology I would never be able to afford, but a few years later I would own, and cherish, a Sony cordless phone.
I present to you the story as I wrote it, warts and all. I have not rewritten it or revised it in any way except to correct typos and misspellings.
Of the story I remember it was my first Halloween away from my parents. I had bought an old house across town and was a little nervous about being a homeowner. Suddenly I was responsible for a monster debt – $45,000 – and a huge obligation of repairs and maintenance. It meant I could not quit my job, nor could I suddenly up and leave for a job in another state. I was home “bound.”
The genesis of the story itself, I’m unsure of. The protagonist, Clifton, bears no resemblance to anyone I know either physically or spiritually. I have never experienced his kind of anger – I wouldn’t want to.
The story is set in the living room of that old house, and when I envision the activities taking place, they are framed by that house and neighborhood. I can see the yellowish door with the diamond-shaped window. I can see the tan shag carpeting, the sloped driveway, the buggy carport and the paint peeling from the frame.
I can even see Clifton standing in the living room during the climax that, to this day, shocks me and makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with a person who could think of a resolution so diabolical.
If you gave me your 99 cents (of which I get to keep 35; Amazon collects the rest), then I thank you and hope you enjoy “Trick-or-Treat.”
Think of it this coming Halloween.
Order a copy of “Trick-or-Treat” by following this link:
[ Cover image by Eugene Kim. ]
From Amazon
“While short enough to be called flash fiction, this story delivers the impact of a good horror story. Concise with no wasted words. Excellent read for Halloween.”
– Richard A. Bamberg, author of “The Hunters: Monster Hunting 101”
Trick-or-Treat: Revised, updated and enhanced with additional content, this micro-story punches far above its weight.
Clifton’s girlfriend Lisa has told him goodbye and he is not happy about it.
Not happy at all.
She said she needed space, and time. Clifton has no need of space or time, and now that Halloween is here, with all those happy kids ringing his doorbell and demanding candy, Clifton is ever reminded of his girlfriend, and her class of fourth-graders, and her young daughter, all of them gone now … or maybe not.
Because this Halloween, Clifton has a surprise for Lisa, and all the children in her life.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, Ello and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
About this book:
“Trick-or-Treat” is a 756-word short story. It has never been published before.
The book’s total length is 3,516 words.
Image courtesy of IFC Midnight.
“Hellions” Starring Chloe Rose, Robert Patrick, Rossif Sutherland. Directed by Bruce McDonald. 80 minutes. Unrated.
Del’s take
My ever-present quest for those hidden gems of cinema, the obscure horror movie, recently carried me to “Hellions,” a new offering on Netflix. “Hellions” is hidden for a reason, although sadly I had to sit through it to find out why.
The movie begins promisingly enough. Seventeen-year-old Dora is planning a Halloween night liaison with boyfriend Jace at a Halloween party, but first she must drop by that pesky health clinic to see why she’s been summoned. Probably just want her to pick up a prescription or something.
Too bad it wasn’t BCPs because the doctor has news for Dora – she’s knocked up. That’ll sure take the fun out of a night of canoodling with your dope-smoking teen boy.
Dora decides to kick back at the house while her mom and little brother head out for a children’s Halloween party. But later, Jace calls and Dora changes her mind, partly because she wants Daddy Dearest to hear the news ASAP. As she waits for Jace to pick her up, the doorbell rings and a devilishly dressed moppet holds out a trick-or-treat bag.
That’s where the trouble begins, in terms of plot and the movie itself.
What follows is a near incomprehensible descent into … something. I’m not sure what to call it. A fever dream? Madness? An alternate universe?
Suffice it to say Dora and her unborn child, which is rapidly maturing within her belly into some kind of monster, become the targets of a cadre of demon children who want the baby whatever-it-is for something. I never quite figured that out.
I also never figured out the movie’s odd color palette – a kind of faux infrared – and it’s weird soundtrack. Oh, and I almost forgot the exploding pumpkins. Musn’t forget the exploding pumpkins.
“Hellions” is skillfully assembled in technical terms, and it shows flashes of originality and brilliance. But McDonald loses me, and what I predict will be most viewers, about 15 minutes into the movie when events become inexplicably strange, and not really very interesting.
I don’t want to discourage McDonald because I think if he reins in these excursions into visual excess, he should make some decent movies. But “Hellions” isn’t one of them.
I would give it a D+, and the plus is for the inventive costumes.
Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and author.
Image courtesy of Public Doman Pictures. Creative Commons license.
Ah, Halloween. Time to start Christmas shopping – for 2005.
Did I say “Halloween”? Of course I meant “Harvest Festival,” that time of year when Food World swaps out its summer yellow Ho Hos for the harvest gold Ding Dongs.
At Harvest Festival time we Americans kick back with a warm mug of soy cider, plug in the electric Person-O-Lantern and turn on the computer to surf some scarecrow porn!
What I meant to say was “we Americans of American descent.”
In America, we turn on the television to watch some politically sanitized, gender-neutral trendy scary movies! Those old Halloween fright films simply won’t do anymore. Can’t have little Caleb and Madison getting any big ideas from “Friday the 13th Part XXII: Jason Gets a Job at the State Department.” One of the kiddies might grow up to invade Iraq!
Next Halloween, remember this story: ‘Trick-or-Treat’
So tonight, be sure to catch some of the new Harvest Festival classics that are sure to air:
“Soccer Mom Massacre” – Desperate Belinda is mad as hell about driving the van with only one electric sliding side door and she’s not going to take it anymore. When husband Squamous, the dermatologist, bingos home the guys from the Botox Poker Mixer he’d better be careful – Belinda has used REAL milk in the latte!
“Night of the Living Telemarketer” – The telephone is chirping and caller ID doesn’t have a clue who it is. Could it be Aunt Skeezy wanting the bagel warmer to heat up her bunion packs? Or somebody else … peddling ski vacations to Aspen for a time-share tour?
“The Day the Earth Took Vioxx” – Scientists discover the Earth’s spirit, otherwise known as Princess Gaia, is suffering from a malodorous infusion of negative aromatherapy from hog farms and NFL locker rooms, not to mention a bad case of Tectonic Itch. To remedy the problem they inject a healing solution of WD-40 and Vioxx directly into the mantle with catastrophic results, ending in a world class action lawsuit!
“Don’t Answer the Cell Phone” – It began with a wrong number and continued with a series of mysterious text messages. The next thing Abercrombie, Valley High’s cheerleading captain knows, her IM emoticon is spinning out of control and her e-mail queue is overflowing with attached ringtones that promise to foretell the day of death for everyone who calls her.
“Attack of the Killer Arugula Salad” – Janet Hyde-Squab Gorgo is regretting the day she agreed to brunch at Dante’s with her Quilters Against Drivers with Cell Phones group. They swapped out the Spinach with Soy and Faux Gorgonzola salad with the Arugula with Captain Crunch Berries and Strawberry Yoo Hoo kids menu salad and since then she’s been having strange drams about equipping the family Voyager with pneumatic shocks and bouncing through the ’hood, Tupac blasting from the CD player.
This column was originally published in the Saturday, Oct. 28, 2004 (estimated) edition of the Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .