Del and Mladen review ‘Ballerina’

Image by Lionsgate Films.

“From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” Starring Ana de Armas, Keanu Reeves, Ian McShane, Angelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne and Norman Reedus. Directed by Len Wiseman. 2 hours, 4 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.

Plot summary: A young girl’s father is murdered by a shadowy group of assassins, compelling the girl to devote her life to becoming an assassin herself to avenge her father’s death.

Spoilers: Knowing Mladen, probably.

Del’s take

Kudos to Dusty for driving us through some of the worst traffic I’ve ever seen on the Emerald Coast to catch a 6:30 p.m. showing of “From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” at the AMC Theater in Destin Commons.

Mladen said he’d seen worse, but he was being a pill so I think that’s a bunch of hokum. The traffic was bumper-to-bumper from Eglin Parkway in Fort Walton Beach to the entrance of Destin Commons, and it was uniquely chaotic – people doing U-turns at lane cutouts, semis entering the highway, tourists realizing they were in the wrong lane and shoe-horning themselves into microspaces. At times I felt like a character in a video game. Thank you, developers. Glad you’re rich and enjoying the good life while I’m out here in The Stacks trying to make it from Point A to Point B with my hide intact.

We had dinner at a place with robots as servers. The robots spilled drinks as they went out the door to the patio. I’ve seen humans do a better job of spilling drinks. Idiot robots.

Finally, after a gigantic and carb-heavy meal, we jiggled and juggled our way to the movie theater, where a Saturday night showing of “Ballerina” in the Dolby auditorium tipped the scales at a breathtaking $17! SEVENTEEN DOLLARS! I hate to sound like my parents, but ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Did Trump slap tariffs on this movie? Where’s the manager?

About the movie itself:

Mladen will tell you it’s great. No it isn’t. It’s an OK action flick made better by its association with the John Wick franchise, which started strong and is now edging toward absurdity.

Mladen will tell you Ana de Armas is the sexist assassin ever conceived – no she isn’t. She’s certainly easy on the eye but there’s nothing standout about her appearance or performance, which I thought was flat and unappealing.

There are some astonishing fight scenes in the movie, but as a “canon event” as the TikTokkers like to say, it’s much ado about nothing. Or is that adieu?

As a two-hour bit of crazy, mindless fun, it was pretty good. I don’t take these Wick movies seriously enough to delve into the psychological underpinnings of the plot, which is like a bowl of sugary cereal. It tastes good but doesn’t offer much in the way of nutrition or fiber.

I will say the dialogue for this movie wasn’t as clever as previous Wick films, and it seriously underutilizes some fine actors like Angelica Huston, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick and Norman Reedus. Also, there were some glaring logic flaws – would an assassin proficient in martial arts NOT be able to perform a simple pirouette? And if you wanted to have an assassin assassinated, why would you launch your attack at an armory, where your target has easy access to knives, guns and bandoliers of hand grenades?

I thought “Ballerina” was cleverly insinuated within the John Wick universe timeline and again, those fight scenes – a plate-smashing battle at a village full of killers, and a flamethrower duel – were top shelf. But in the end it was just another cliché-driven bloodbath. The violence was so sustained and over-the-top that after awhile it stopped leaving a mark.

One last observation: Eye-popping ticket prices notwithstanding, “Ballerina” may be the first movie I’ve seen where the Dolby sound made a real difference in the quality of the experience. Shotgun blasts and grenade detonations boomed across the auditorium and shook me to the ribs. Impressive!

After the movie we had to wait for Mladen to change his diaper – he was that excited. Prepare yourself for (a) lots of rhapsodizing about “Ballerina” as the greatest thing since sliced heads, and (b) lots of snarky comments about my lack of discernment.

I give “Ballerina” a grade of B. It was good for two hours of mindless entertainment.

Mladen’s take

I’d like to welcome “Eve” (Ana de Armas from “Ballerina”) to the A-list of moviedom’s ass-kicking, balls-busting girls – “Kate” (May Elizabeth Winstead, “Kate), “Love” (Sylvia Hoeks, “Blade Runner 2049”), “Furiosa” (Charlize Theron, “Mad Max Fury Road”), and “Riley” (Jennifer Garner, “Peppermint”). It’s a wonderful coincidence that they’re all good lookin’ as hell, too.

I’d like to exile Del to a retirement community for crotchety old timers where he can bellyache about the days long past when U.S. 98 was a single lane dirt road for donkey carts, Destin was a quaint fishing village, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 25 cents, and this country was a democracy.

A, Del, “Ballerina” is an A because the movie introduces shocking bits of novel, lusciously depicted violence. Good God, really? A grenade, a steel table, and Eve rolling over it before flesh clumps and blood splash an entire room. Damn, that’s memorable.

On two points about the film I agree with Del, who has capacity to make sense, though when that’ll happen is unpredictable.

Seventeen dollars is an outrageous sum to pay to see a movie, even in a Dolby theater but, by golly, the explosions, the shotgun blasts, the glass breaking, the metal crunching, the thumping soundtrack. Glorious they are in Dolby. And, as Del notes, “Ballerina” is integrated flawlessly with the John Wick Universe.   

If there’s a flaw with the film, it’s the puny principal bad guy spitting out sentences justifying immorality, mindless obedience, and bravado that he’s unable to back up personally. No, dear reader, the evil doer isn’t Trump, though his creepiness is Trump-like.

I’ve seen a lot of action movies across genres – sci-fi, spy, war, westerns – but I can’t recall any adventure film like “Ballerina” if the measure of excellence is the stunt en masse. The movie is violence pretty much from beginning to end. It’s the mesmerizing stuntmaking that drives the film to fresh heights of bonkers bloodshed.

“Ballerina” is worthy of the Wick franchise. And, yeah, drop the $17 to see it in a Dolby theater. The audio will blow you way like Eve blows away the bad guys.  

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.

Image courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment.

“John Wick Chapter 3 – Parabellum” Starring Keanu Reeves, Halle Berry, Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, and Asia Kate Dillion. Directed by Chad Stahelski. 130 minutes. Rated R.

Mladen’s take

John Wick and I are a lot alike, if the essence of freshly released film, “John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum,” is the yardstick. John’s life and work in “Wick 3” are hampered by all sorts of rules, procedures, constraints and layers of management. I face those same obstacles daily.

Of course, there’s a difference between being a celebrity assassin in a wildly popular movie franchise and my often frustrating effort to keep health insurance for my family, a roof over our heads, and our cars running. I am leashed to others. Wick is not, unless he chooses to be. What the director chose for John in “Wick 3” was to leash him to the memory of his dead wife, which, thankfully, leads from one glorious scene of hyperviolence to another. But, that choice also produced a couple of chinks in the armor of the formidably entertaining Wick saga.

“Wick 3” is merely a good movie and the weakest in the franchise because of two problems, one with the story and the other with an important character.

“Wick 3” should’ve been more like its two predecessors, an intimate tale of personal redemption or, at least, a movie with a good excuse for all those heads getting blown apart and dogs attacking men’s groins. In Wick 1 we see John addressing very personal slights – a dead puppy and a stolen muscle car. I can sympathize with both. In Wick 2 he’s a hesitant, duty-bound killer honoring a marker. In those movies, John wanted out of the assassin racket. In “Wick 3,” he wants back in to stay alive to remember his wife, but changes his mind later. That wishy washiness is unbecoming of the planet’s most accomplished hitman. In Wicks 1 and 2 we see that it’s the world’s fault for keeping John a servant of the High Table, the gang of 12 thugs running Earth’s underworld. Bad people don’t leave John alone, so he has to defend himself, his property and his memories to impose order. Because of his do-rightness he, himself, is rendered ex communicado persona non grata for whacking a mob boss inside a hotel. In Wick 3, the HOTEL is punished by being “deconsecrated.”

On top of blacklisting a hotel, “Wick 3” offers other tidbits of bureaucratic and legalistic nonsense such as the notion of “fealty” to the High Table and the High Table’s dispatch of an “adjudicator” to settle its score with John and anyone who has helped him. “Wick 3” begins to meander, including a dip into mysticism, as a result. Of all the characters flowing through “Wick 3,” the adjudicator is the most frustrating. She is supposed to be a prim and proper bad ass representing the High Table’s interest, which is to keep everyone in line to make sure crime and profit go uninterrupted by rule breakers such as John. Instead, the adjudicator is a meek, stiff, uncharismatic, unintentionally droll and unconvincing enabler of the High Table’s will. Yes, the adjudicator’s flimsiness is somewhat offset by the strong female character, Sofia, in “Wick 3,” but damage to the story had already occurred by the time she’s introduced. The High Table and the adjudicator, instead of seeming to be all powerful, just seemed to be on their way toward stepping into John’s line of fire which, I suspect, will be the plot of “Wick 4.”

“Parabellum” is a dead language’s phrase for “prepare for war.” When you go see “Wick 3,” prepare to be disappointed. “Wick 3” lacks the emotional grit and gristle of Wicks 1 and 2. “Wick 3’s” bad girl is particularly unsatisfying and the film’s High Table assassin, campy. The weak motivation for “Wick 3’s” hyperviolence renders it something approaching gratuitous. I hope “Wick 4” corrects that weakness or Wick world-building will go the way of Star Wars. “Wick 3” gets a B from me. See it in a theater with vibrant projection and good sound.

Del’s take

Once upon a time there was a little movie about an undercover cop who infiltrated a car theft ring to bust the ringleader. That little movie, “The Fast and the Furious,” made the late Paul Walker a star and provided Vin Diesel with a hit on his resume.

So they made a sequel.

Then another.

Then another, where they rebooted the series.

Then another.

And another, ad finitum.

Each of those sequels required more action, bigger plots and higher stakes than its predecessor, until now Lamborghinis are being chased by nuclear submarines and Ferraris tossed from cargo planes as the “Fast and Furious” crew saves the world from (name your favorite apocalyptic nemesis).

In other words, silly.

Unfortunately that’s the trajectory being followed by the John Wick saga. What started as a personal and, dare I say, charming story of revenge by a man whose puppy got shot and his car stolen, is slowly evolving into something I no longer recognize – a bastard child of James Bond and “The Matrix.”

I don’t like it. I want the old John Wick.

That’s not to say “Parabellum” is a bad movie. It’s just not what I expected, and as Mladen pointed out, it deviated in ways I don’t think will work.

(FYI: Mladen is nothing like John Wick. I’ve never seen him chop off a person’s head with a samurai sword and he doesn’t even like dogs.)

The plot careens along as Mladen described it. I’ll further explain it picks up where the second movie left off, with Wick and his pit bull running for their lives after the ruling elite of the assassins’ guild, something called the High Table, excommunicates him and puts a price on his head. Every other phone on the street is ringing with the news that Wick’s bounty stands at a cool $14 million, which makes you wonder how all those killers manage to operate without putting each other in the unemployment line. There are THAT many. Think about it next time you’re in a crowded grocery store.

The methods of death are inventive and graphic. If I had to choose a favorite it would be Wick slapping a horse on the ass and the horse kicking an assassin into a wall, dispatching him to that great Died of a Horse Kicking paddock in the sky.

Mladen described the action as hyperviolent and he’s not exaggerating. Apart from a few slogs through muddy pacing in the second act, the movie is almost nonstop violence with people getting shot, chopped, sliced, diced, kicked, burned, or having their genitalia ripped out by vicious German Shepherds.

It was cool to see Keanu Reeves on the screen once again with Laurence Fishburne, and it was disappointing that Halle Berry’s role was so small. For Christ’s sake, she’s an Oscar winner. Put her to work.

Maybe she could have done a better job than Asia Kate Dillion as the Adjudicator, who came across as Mladen described: devoid of menace. And Keanu? Well, what can I say? Keanu was Keanu. He’s never had a lot of dialogue in these movies and “Wick 3” is no exception.

My big gripe is with the direction the movie took, with its emphasis on the worldwide mystery cult of assassins and all their rules, talismans and functionaries. It was like watching a tiger team of GS-12s stumble upon a cache of Uzis. It carries the Wick saga farther afield from its humble origins, from a man with a grudge who has payback on his mind into some kind of mystical figure fate has anointed with special powers. Maybe they should change his name to Neo Wick.

The action is exquisitely choreographed and the special effects spot on, but beware: “Wick 3” is a bloodbath, and it’s probably not what you were expecting after having watched the previous iterations.

There’s a sequel coming and I’ll likely see it. But it may be the last time I bump into John Wick in a movie theater. I like my action movies smart, not silly.

I give it a B.

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and author.