Dear MAGA: Either grow up or shut up

As you can imagine, the MAGAts don’t like me very much. That’s OK. I don’t like them very much either.

They can’t really attack me for the content of my posts, so they attack me for my appearance – the fact that I’m of a certain age, that my hair is gray, and here lately because I have these spots on my forehead … age spots, liver spots, sunspots, whatever you want to call them.

It’s like being back in middle school – “FLINCH! No contact, no rebounds, no nothing!”

Very adult.

The fact is I live in Florida, where the weather is nice almost every day of the year. That means I’m outdoors most of the time. Also, the sun burns a little hotter down here because we’re closer to the equator than the rest of the continental United States. I’ve lived in Florida since 1964 so what’s that – 61 years?

You can’t live in an environment where you’re exposed to intense sunlight for 61 years without picking up a few sunspots along the way. It is an inescapable consequence of living in such a nice place.

Meanwhile, the people who are attacking me for my appearance often don’t have photos on their profiles. Nor do they have any videos that they’ve posted to their accounts. So you have no idea what they look like. They use a photo of a dog or a pickup truck, or they go with the default avatar provided by the social media platform. It’s almost as if they’re ashamed of who they are, which is perfectly understandable because I am ashamed of who they are too.

Just because they have the complexion of a pirogue doesn’t mean they’re genetically superior to me. What it means is they live in a hellhole where summers are only six weeks long and they spend the rest of the year cooped up inside their houses developing a world-class case of cabin fever which results in them doing stupid things like voting for a fascist and making fun of a guy because he has sunspots on his forehead.

The ones who do post their photos essentially look like me – they’re older, they’re male, they’re white, they have gray hair, they have the spots on their foreheads, but the difference is, they’re always scowling, because they’re always angry. And I can’t figure out what they’re angry about. They’ve always had the best of everything – the best jobs, the best money, the best opportunities. Why are they so pissed off? Is it because after centuries of dominance, they are finally having to share the stage with women, minorities, and gay people? Goodness! That is such a tragedy!

The MAGAts are welcome to argue the merits or demerits of my posts, but they’re not welcome to make fun of my appearance. That’s just immature and childish.

They need to either grow up, or shut up.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .