Image courtesy of Sony Home Entertainment.
“Ice Spiders” Starring Vanessa Williams, Patrick Muldoon, Thomas Calabro. Directed by Tibor Takacs. Amazon Prime. 90 minutes. Rated R. Del’s take Dude, didn’t we just review this movie? Ski bums, bimbos and crazy old coots trapped at a ski lodge… READ MORE
“Bug” Starring Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, Harry Connick Jr., Lynn Collins. Directed by William Friedkin. 102 minutes. Rated R. ( Warning: Spoilers follow. ) Mladen’s take Aside from seeing Ashley Judd naked and one moment of exquisite acting, I’m hard-pressed… READ MORE
“Pan’s Labyrinth” Starring Ivana Baquero, Ariadna Gil, and Sergi Lopez. Directed by Guillermo del Torro. 119 minutes. Rated R. Mladen’s take Beautifully shot, captivatingly acted, the film “Pan’s Labyrinth” has to be more complex than what appears on the surface,… READ MORE
“The Host” Starring Kang-ho Song, Hie-bong Byeon and Hae-il Park. Directed by Joon-ho Bong. 119 minutes. Rated R. Del’s take I was told to expect a monster movie, a “Godzilla” sans cheesy rubber suit and toy airplanes. I was not… READ MORE
Image courtesy of Del Stone Jr.
Monday night, I bought a coffin for Maggie. I chose a white satin-finish hatbox, the right size for a 4-pound cat. I wanted to bury her in Mom’s back yard so she could be outside. We lived near a busy… READ MORE
Mom always said: “Never tangle with anybody who’s got access to 100,000 watts of FM power.”
I thought that was barrels of ink, but whatever.
Some mornings I listen to 99Rock’s “The Morning Movement” with Murph and Galvin.
They describe themselves as “Murph and Galvin.” But it’s really Murph, Galvin AND Jessa.
And before I go any further – NO, this isn’t a cheap attempt to get myself on the radio. Truth is I’m scared to death of radio. They don’t call me “Dead Air Del” for nothing. Ask Scratch and Lauri at Z96. Ask Woofy. Ask the guys at MIX 103. Ask that Marconi guy.
Anyway, Murph and Galvin are pretty darned clever, funny, blah blah blah – OK, tribute paid and now I can get to raggin’. Actually I won’t rag on those two. They’re too fast and too jugular-oriented. I wouldn’t stand a chance.
But there is this one thing they do almost every morning that bugs me so much I can’t keep my big mouth shut any longer.
They rag on Jessa.
I mean, they REALLY rag on Jessa.
Sweet, innocent little Jessa, trapped in a tiny room with two … um … extremely talented and witty fellows who nonetheless ran on her without mercy.
And before I go any further – NO, this is not a cheap attempt to get myself a date with Jessa. The only place I’d feel right taking her is a Cradle Robbers Anonymous meeting.
Anyway, I sneaked a peek at 99Rock’s Web site and the photos of Murph, Galvin and Jessa. Now guys, I’m not trying to insult you. Believe me, I’ve got no room to talk when it comes to issues of appearance. For instance, I don’t have to wear a costume on Halloween. Depending on how much conditioner I put in my hair I can go as either Gandolf or Gollum.
But guys, after looking at your pix I gotta say: You need Jessa. Believe me, you NEED her. It’s like those moments of peaceful relief in a horror movie … you need that. Otherwise, the audience dies of fright.
Yeah, I know. The audience CAN’T SEE Jessa unless they browse the 99Rock Web site. But they can HEAR her, and I gotta say, Jessa’s got a great voice. She sounds like she looks.
Jessa’s job is to read the news, the stupid news and other stuff, and that’s where she runs into trouble with Murph and Galvin … she occasionally stumbles over a word and they give her hell for it.
Well, who wouldn’t stumble over a word when you’re stuck in a room with two psychos – did I mention they’re extremely talented and witty psychos – that have to be watched at all times lest they do something weird (maybe carnal) to you?
All that aside, Jessa is a pleasant force of moderation who makes the whole thing work, so guys, lay off! You need her.
And believe me, so do the rest of us.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
Mom always said: “Never tangle with anybody who’s got access to 100,000 watts of FM power.” I thought that was barrels of ink, but whatever. Some mornings I listen to 99Rock’s “The Morning Movement” with Murph and Galvin. They describe… READ MORE
I don’t get it.
How can a Jack Kevorkian be thrown in jail for helping perfectly lucid people with terminal illnesses commit suicide, when a comatose Terri Schiavo is inhumanely starved to death with the active consent of the courts?
Could it be the judicial system in this country believes nobody – but it – is allowed to play God?
This isn’t about Terri Schiavo. This is about how a person who hears death knocking should be allowed to open the door.
Let it be known: If I ever end up like Terri Schiavo, for God’s sake, pull the plug. I can’t imagine how awful my life would be under those circumstances, but I do know how awful it would be for the people left to take care of me. I wouldn’t want to inflict such a burden on them.
Nor do I wish to suffer a horrible lingering death with my wits and dignity intact.
Why can’t I do that now? Because euthanasia for the most part is illegal in the United States, due to outmoded and irrelevant moral and legal “standards” that uphold primitive notions about propriety regarding end-of-life issues.
Euthanasia isn’t wrong and it isn’t right. It simply is – or should be – an issue to be decided by the person to whom it applies.
But the terminally ill person isn’t allowed to decide when he’s ready to pack it in for the day. He must continue on, suffering miserably until “natural” death overtakes him.
I don’t get it.
Typically opponents of euthanasia fear “abuses” where people are put to death against their wishes or allowed the suicide option when they aren’t in command of their mind.
Also, the notion of “life at all costs” pervades our thinking – even it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.
Any right-thinking person has no wish to die. It’s wired into our being that life is precious and must be preserved at extraordinary cost. Anything less becomes something monstrous.
But what happens when the issue of imminent death is a certainty, and the intervening weeks between the present and that dark future are know to be fraught with debilitating pain and suffering? Might some people choose the alternative to sticking it out until the awful, inevitable conclusion?
How, in a world where a person who has no voice in her fate is handed the death option, can another person who is able to make his wishes known be forced to suffer?
Could it be the lens of justice has become fogged by high clouds enshrouding that ivory tower?
I just don’t get it.
This column was originally published in the Saturday, May 7, 2005 edition of the Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
I don’t get it. How can a Jack Kevorkian be thrown in jail for helping perfectly lucid people with terminal illnesses commit suicide, when a comatose Terri Schiavo is inhumanely starved to death with the active consent of the courts?… READ MORE
East Bay Bicycle Path, Rhode Island. Photo by Ken Zirkel by way of a Creative Commons search. https://www.flickr.com/photos/kzirkel/
As the car hurtled toward me, I did not see my life flash before my eyes. Instead, I saw myself diving off the sidewalk and into the adjoining swamp, where among the sticker vines, sucking mud and empty bottles I… READ MORE
Had I known my 12th-grade Algebra 2 teacher, Mr. Earl, was carrying a gun, I would have been a lot nicer to him.
That’s not to say he was carrying a gun. But if he had been, I would never have played that trick of whispering into his hearing aid until he turned up the volume, then shouting at him.
Wasn’t I a little brat? I probably deserved to be shot.
I bring this up because the incoming president of the National Rifle Association told The Associated Press recently she believes teachers should be allowed to carry guns into the classroom.
The plan is to give teachers the drop on teenage nutcases who march into school and cap 10 of their classmates for making fun of their hair.
It’s sad the world has come to this. In my day we kids were much more civilized. We settled our differences by beating the hell out of each other – until an adult intervened and beat the hell out of both of us. And teachers didn’t need guns – they could just beat the hell out of us. Then they’d call our parents, and when we got home, our parents would beat the hell out of us, too.
I’m not sure it’s a good idea to let the person who’s being driven insane by 30 delinquents have access to firearms.
For starters, I question the gun-handling abilities of some of my teachers. For instance, I could never, ever see my 12th-grade composition teacher, Mrs. Davis, a wisp of a woman who was Hobbit tiny and supermodel thin, whipping out a .44-Magnum and growling, “Go ahead, punk. Make my day!”
Besides, Mrs. Davis didn’t need a gun. She was a nice lady, but if you made her mad she’d skewer you with this python stare and as you sat squirming in your desk like a hamster appetizer she’d just stare at you. Silently. Her eyes burrowing through your flesh. Until you died.
I also question the, er, “emotional stability” of some of my teachers. I remember one rattled instructor simply getting up and walking out of the classroom. Had this teacher returned with an AR-15 I’m reasonably confident I wouldn’t be typing these words.
I can see how an exchange with such a teacher might go:
“Excuse me, Mrs. Murgatroid, but can I have a pass to the bathroom?”
“Are you kidding me? You’ve been driving me crazy all day. You can wait until the bell rings!”
“But I have to go now!”
“Well … let’s ask Mr. Nine Millimeter.”
(She fishes out her Browning 9mm semi-auto.)
“Hello, Mr. Nine Millimeter. Del’s been a very BAD boy and now he wants to go to the bathroom. Should we let him?”
“Hello, Mrs. Murgatroid. I think Del can wait until the bell rings. And if he has a problem with that, he can talk to the hand … holding the gun!”
No, arming teachers isn’t the solution. Besides, the kids would likely have better guns.
Give ’em a good beating.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
Had I known my 12th-grade Algebra 2 teacher, Mr. Earl, was carrying a gun, I would have been a lot nicer to him. That’s not to say he was carrying a gun. But if he had been, I would never… READ MORE
I have thrown away my Miami Dolphins watch cap, my Miami Dolphins keychain, my Miami Dolphins Viagra prescription and my Miami Dolphins helmeted killer dolphin action figure.
I have committed these unthinkable acts because this year, the Miami Dolphins smell like three-day-old chum. If Ruckel Middle School belonged to the NFL, the JV team would have a better win-loss record than the Miami Dolphins.
The Fish are losers.
Why is this? My theory is the Miami Dolphins have “drafted” poorly. For those of you who do not study the Miami Dolphins the way some people study the Dead Sea Scrolls, the term “draft” refers to a process whereby teams choose players, similar to the way the United States chose players for the “Vietnam Bowl” except in the NFL players like former Miami Dolphin running back Ricky Williams wait until thy are two years into their contracts before running away to a foreign country.
But don’t let me dwell on Ricky Williams, who is studying holistic medicine but may I gently suggest he change his major to abnormal psychology because he appears to be, if I may borrow a medical term, “crazy.”
I am all about “solutions.” And my solution to the belly-up Dolphins is: Draft non-football players.
“But that’s what they’ve been doing the past four years!” you gasp, choking on your Mrs. Paul’s fried dolphin fingers. Tut tut, I am talking about looking outside the NFL player pool for new talent, such as:
At defensive line: that ninja guy from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Have seen the way that guy flew through the air? He’d jump off a roof and land in Cleveland where somebody from the Browns would attempt to draft him.
At quarterback the Greek mythical figure Medusa. You know who I’m talking about – the chick with snakes for hair. If you look at her you turn to stone, jut like Joan Rivers! The NFL would have to invent a new penalty – illegal contact with a python.
At wide receiver: a fully grown Bengal tiger with rabies. Forget about it, Cincinnati; we thought of it first.
Offensive coach: Martha Stewart. The Miami Dolphins need an infusion of creativity in their play-0calling, and who better to accomplish this task than a person who can take a box that once contained a Black & Decker weed whacker and transform it into a Swiss chalet, complete with yodeling mountain men wearing funny hats.
Safety: the viewpoint character from “Halo 2,” but with a bigger gun.
Recruiting: Lara Croft of “Tomb Raider” fame. May she unearth some of the wizened, desiccated old guys who at least can punt, pass and kick without demanding $40 million per game and put themselves on the injured reserve list every time they experience a bunion.
Front office: Bill Gates. Money can’t buy love, but it CAN buy a decent quarterback.
This column was originally published in the Saturday, Jan. 8, 2005 edition of the Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
I have thrown away my Miami Dolphins watch cap, my Miami Dolphins keychain, my Miami Dolphins Viagra prescription and my Miami Dolphins helmeted killer dolphin action figure. I have committed these unthinkable acts because this year, the Miami Dolphins smell… READ MORE