This morning I saw two boys kissing and I had to say these words
This morning I saw something I’ve never seen before.
When I pulled into the parking lot at the park where I walk, two high school-age boys were playing basketball. At one point one of them lay down on the court while the other continued shooting hoops. Then he came over, lay down beside the first boy, and the two of them kissed. It was a long, soulful kiss, a lover’s kiss.
Then they got up and continued playing basketball. A minute later they went to their car, popped the trunk and put their stuff inside. One boy wrapped his arms around the other from behind and hugged him, laying his head on the other boy’s shoulder. Then they got in the car and left.
I honest to God almost cried.
At first, I couldn’t figure out why. Was I happy for them? Well, yeah, but not THAT happy. Was I envious of their happiness? Of course, but not to the point of tears.
Finally, I decided it was grief I was feeling – for all the boys I never kissed when I was their age. For the proms I didn’t go to, the homecomings I missed, or the simple joy of staring into the eyes of another human being.
For the life I didn’t live, because the world hated people like me, and I was terrified of that hate.
I realize by posting this I’m breaking the Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows rule, where never is heard, a discouraging word. I no longer care. To the people who’ve told me I’m gloomy, or negative, I want them to know I can’t be happy because I’ve lost so much, and now I'm afraid it’s too late.
I’ve gone to the events and attended the meetings. I’ve waved the flags and worn the T-shirts. I’ve even tried those ridiculous apps. People are polite but not interested, not in friendship or anything more than friendship.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I overshare. And yes, I have regrets. That's me. Feel free to take it or leave it. But let me leave you with this parting thought:
If there’s a person in your life who’s like me, for God’s sake, tell them it’s OK. Let them know you love them. Tell them not to be afraid.
I should’ve been like those two boys, who’ve clearly told the world to eff off. I should’ve risked happiness.
I really am happy for them.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
This morning I saw something I’ve never seen before. When I pulled into the parking lot at the park where I walk, two high school-age boys were playing basketball. At one point one of them lay down on the court… READ MORE
Today is Mom’s birthday
Today is Mom’s birthday. She would have been 97 (and would have killed me for telling you that). Happy birthday, Mom!
Mladen and Del review ‘Rebel Moon Part Two: The Scargiver’
“Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver” Starring Sofia Boutella as flabbergasting Kora; Djimon Hounsou as uninspiring Titus; Bae Doona as almost likeable Nemesis; Michiel Huisman as meek Gunnar; Staz Nair as the soppy prince Tarak, Ed Skrein as the… READ MORE
Abetted by technology, corporate America has become Big Brother
Better living through technology? Sure, when it works.
But more and more I see technology becoming a dehumanizing influence on our lives, requiring that we spend more and more of our discretionary time on meeting the demands of the digital beast, abetted by a corporate mentality that favors money over all else.
A month ago I noticed my mobile phone bill had gone up by $5. I called the company to ask why and was given every answer but the real one – because they wanted more money. But they offered to switch me to a different plan, one that would do away with my ability to use my phone as a hotspot but would cost $10 a month less. I told them to do it.
Cut to yesterday. I receive a text message that says the mobile phone service provider is charging X number of dollars to my credit card. The amount is the same as the previous month.
So I spend a big chunk of this morning getting to the bottom of the problem, which appears to be that my new plan didn’t “take,” whatever that means.
This comes on the heel of a slew of automated text messages from medical entities wanting me to pay my bills – in one case I had already paid the bill and in the other, it’s set up to automatically bill to my credit card. And let’s not talk about the $5,000 error made by the hospital, which has yet to be resolved.
Technology is fine. But in the hands of corporations that don’t give a damn about anything except money, it has become a thing of evil. It has two imperatives: the alleged convenience it provides to us, the customer, which is debatable; and second, the benefit nobody talks about – reduced corporate costs, i.e., higher profits.
The corporate scramble for lower costs and higher profits has cheapened all our lives. A significant portion of the inflation we see today is the result of corporate profiteering. Their cost-cutting measures, with the transfer of work to the customer, have made our lives more stressful and less rewarding, especially at the hands of a quixotic technology base.
Orwell tells us that government is Big Brother. No. George got it wrong. Corporate America is Big Brother. Government is only the Drunk Uncle.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Better living through technology? Sure, when it works. But more and more I see technology becoming a dehumanizing influence on our lives, requiring that we spend more and more of our discretionary time on meeting the demands of the digital… READ MORE
I had the dream again last night, but this time, it was different in an important way
Image courtesy of Del Stone Jr.
Last night I had the dream again. You know, the dream. The one where you realize you have a final exam tomorrow for a class you forgot to attend all semester. Mine is a variation of that dream. It’s 10… READ MORE
I got a nosebleed – not a big deal, right? Wrong
Image courtesy of The Blue Diamond Gallery by way of a Creative Commons license.
I got a nosebleed last night. No big deal, right? Well, not exactly. I’ve had nosebleeds my entire life. When I was a kid my bloody nose frightened my parents into taking me to the hospital at Keesler Air Force… READ MORE
Another kick in the teeth from the Florida Legislature
Image courtesy of Laura Joyce Stone.
The Florida Legislature continues to ensure Florida remains unaffordable to anybody who isn’t independently wealthy. The Legislature recently approved a measure, Senate Bill 2-A, which among other things requires people who insure their homes through the state pool, Citizens Property… READ MORE
Let there be light, and there I was – wobble
Image courtesy of Luke with Pixnio by way of a Creative Commons license. https://pixnio.com/objects/electronics-devices/electric-lights-pictures/fluorescent-lights
This morning I became angry. For TWO YEARS I have tolerated relative darkness in my kitchen, all because the overhead flourescents had grown dim. They needed changing. The replacement lights had been sitting on a cabinet in the dining room…. READ MORE
Mladen and Del review ‘Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire’
Image courtesy of Netflix.
Starring Sofia Boutella as Kora, Michiel Huisman as Gunnar, Bae Doona as Nemesis, Charlie Hunnam as Kai, Ed Skrein as Atticus Noble and others. Directed by Zack Snyder. Two hours, 13 minutes. Rated PG-13. Streaming on Netflix. Plot summary: A… READ MORE
Mladen and Del review ‘Godzilla Minus One’
Image courtesy of Toho Studios.
Starring Minami Hamabe as Noriko Oishi; Ryunosuke Kamiki as whiny Koichi Shikishima; Sakura Ando as Sumiko Ota; Kuranosuke Sasaki as Quint, ah, Yoji Akitsu; Munetaka Aoki as Sosaku Tachibana; Hidetaka Yoshioka as Hooper, ah, Kenji Noda; and a toddler who… READ MORE
