I’ve been looking for that $5,000 check we were supposed to get from DOGE. Remember that? A month or so ago you couldn’t go online without some MAGAt telling you we were all going to get a $5,000 check courtesy of Big Daddy Trumpazoid and his little buddy Minister of Apartheid Elon Musk. That was going to be our share of all the cutting they did, you know, when they gutted the federal government.
Image by DonkeyHotey. CC license.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/donkeyhotey/
Yeah. Five thousand bucks. Whatever happened to that?
Is it out there in Candyland? Maybe somewhere over the rainbow? In the land of sunshine, lollipops and unicorns? Yeah! Maybe that’s where it is.
And don’t try to tell me you got yours and I’m not getting mine because we all know you didn’t get yours, that it was all part of the mass psychosis you’ve chosen to participate in.
I know one thing: If I do get that $5,000 from DOGE I’m going to invest it in a new venture that’s sure to do gangbuster business once this evil menace has been removed from our lives – it’ll be a counseling service to deprogram MAGA cultists and restore them to some form of functionality so that they become reasonable, intelligent, hard-working and honest American citizens …
… and not MAGA freaks.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Oh! Hey! How’s it going? I’ve been looking for that $5,000 check we were supposed to get from DOGE. Remember that? A month or so ago you couldn’t go online without some MAGAt telling you we were all going to… READ MORE
The whiners are already complaining about Pride Month. I’ll see them on Grindr
Pride Month is coming up, and every year the same thing happens: A bunch of allegedly straight men start complaining, “Gosh, the queers get a whole month to be appreciated, and for the military? Nothing.”
Let me just nip that in the bud before it even gets started.
May is National Military Appreciation Month. The fact that these complainers didn’t know that proves they don’t really give a shit about the military. They just want to bash some gay people. To them I say, “Fuck you.”
Also, there are at least three other days of the year when the military is honored – Veterans Day, Memorial Day, and Armed Forces Day – PLUS a number of other days to honor various aspects of military life, such as Military Spouse Appreciation Day, even Military Dogs Appreciation Day.
I would be remiss in not pointing out that some of these complainers, maybe even many of these complainers, are sneaking around behind their wives’ backs, and their children’s backs, hooking up with other men for purposes of, shall we say, “intimate connection.”
How do I know this? Because I’ve seen them. I actually know some of them. They go on gay hookup apps, like Grindr, and use code such as, “Discretion is a must,” or “Cannot host.” That almost always means they’re married with kids and they don’t want to be exposed as the cheaters, liars and hypocrites they are.
I had one of these guys trap me in his pickup truck and practically beg me to do the nasty with him. He even gave me a passphrase to use on Facebook, because his wife has access to his Facebook account. He said that if I ever messaged him on Facebook, and used that passphrase, he’d be at my place in 5 minutes to do all the things he said he wanted to do.
Invariably, these complainers are conservative MAGA Republicans. The Republican Party is infested with so many repressed homosexuals that last year, during their national convention in Wisconsin, they crashed Grindr trying to arrange their illicit liaisons!
If these complainers would just admit that some people like their coffee black, and other people like their coffee with a little cream and sugar, the world would be a much better place.
Maybe I can say that to them personally, the next time I see them … on Grindr.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
Pride Month is coming up, and every year the same thing happens: A bunch of allegedly straight men start complaining, “Gosh, the queers get a whole month to be appreciated, and for the military? Nothing.” Let me just nip that… READ MORE
They’ll call it ‘waste and fraud,’ but it will just be stuff they don’t like
Florida governor Ron DeSantis. Image by NARA. CC license.
Florida governor Ron DeFascist recently announced the creation of a DOGE-like panel that would look for waste and fraud in Florida government. When you consider the Republicans have been in charge of Florida government the past 26 years, that must… READ MORE
As far back as April 6, 1972, I was blathering my opinion for all to see.
Thanks to Gareth Stearns for these images of the April 6, 1972 Smoke Signals, school newspaper for Choctawhatchee High School, which featured a lengthy column by yours truly. As far back as 12th grade I was blathering my opinion for… READ MORE
Is your hate more important to you than your fellow man?
Acting Secretary Gaynor Tours the U.S. Capitol Washington, D.C. (January 17, 2021) Acting Homeland Security Secretary Pete Gaynor and Acting Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller tour the U.S. Capitol building and interact with National Guard Soldiers assigned to ensure security ahead of the Presidential Inauguration. Original public domain image from Flickr
Got a question for the MAGAts. The other day, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives voted to approve a budget that, when you strip away all the horseshit, amounts to this: It takes money away from people who don’t have very… READ MORE
Dear MAGA: Either grow up or shut up
As you can imagine, the MAGAts don’t like me very much. That’s OK. I don’t like them very much either.
They can’t really attack me for the content of my posts, so they attack me for my appearance – the fact that I’m of a certain age, that my hair is gray, and here lately because I have these spots on my forehead … age spots, liver spots, sunspots, whatever you want to call them.
It’s like being back in middle school – “FLINCH! No contact, no rebounds, no nothing!”
Very adult.
Image by Flickr user outtacontext. CC license. https://www.flickr.com/photos/outtacontext/
The fact is I live in Florida, where the weather is nice almost every day of the year. That means I’m outdoors most of the time. Also, the sun burns a little hotter down here because we’re closer to the equator than the rest of the continental United States. I’ve lived in Florida since 1964 so what’s that – 61 years?
You can’t live in an environment where you’re exposed to intense sunlight for 61 years without picking up a few sunspots along the way. It is an inescapable consequence of living in such a nice place.
Meanwhile, the people who are attacking me for my appearance often don’t have photos on their profiles. Nor do they have any videos that they’ve posted to their accounts. So you have no idea what they look like. They use a photo of a dog or a pickup truck, or they go with the default avatar provided by the social media platform. It’s almost as if they’re ashamed of who they are, which is perfectly understandable because I am ashamed of who they are too.
Just because they have the complexion of a pirogue doesn’t mean they’re genetically superior to me. What it means is they live in a hellhole where summers are only six weeks long and they spend the rest of the year cooped up inside their houses developing a world-class case of cabin fever which results in them doing stupid things like voting for a fascist and making fun of a guy because he has sunspots on his forehead.
The ones who do post their photos essentially look like me – they’re older, they’re male, they’re white, they have gray hair, they have the spots on their foreheads, but the difference is, they’re always scowling, because they’re always angry. And I can’t figure out what they’re angry about. They’ve always had the best of everything – the best jobs, the best money, the best opportunities. Why are they so pissed off? Is it because after centuries of dominance, they are finally having to share the stage with women, minorities, and gay people? Goodness! That is such a tragedy!
The MAGAts are welcome to argue the merits or demerits of my posts, but they’re not welcome to make fun of my appearance. That’s just immature and childish.
They need to either grow up, or shut up.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone's stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra's Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year's Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone's comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled "December" for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman's Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone's novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild's award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida's best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn't look a day over 94.
As you can imagine, the MAGAts don’t like me very much. That’s OK. I don’t like them very much either. They can’t really attack me for the content of my posts, so they attack me for my appearance – the… READ MORE
Is she the Minister of Cruelty, Minister of Ignorance, or both?
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristie Noem. Image by Matt Johnson. CC license.
Ah, Kristie Noem. President Scarface’s secretary of Homeland Security. I don’t know whether to call her Minister of Ignorance or Minister of Cruelty. She seems to embody both qualities. I’m sure you remember the story about Kristie Noem and her… READ MORE
If not you, then who?
The Blue Diamond Gallery. Creative Commons license.
As you know, I am no friend to President Cankersore. In fact, I believe his administration is the most corrupt, the most criminal, the most despicable administration in the history of the United States. These people make Richard Nixon look… READ MORE
It didn’t take President Liver Fluke to reclaim his title of Human Butt Plug
Donald J. Trump, aka Mr. Compassion. Image by Gage Skidmore. CC license.
That was a really nice statement posted by President Liver Fluke when it became known Joe Biden has prostate cancer. For a moment – for a brief, shining moment – I had to ask myself: Have I misjudged that creature?… READ MORE
The boys were being brats. In this age of lawsuits and accusations, what was I supposed to do?
This is a stock image from Josué Rodríguez as it appears on the stock photography site Pexels. Sorry, I couldn't take photos of the boys for the same reason I couldn't engage with them. https://www.pexels.com/@roodzn/
Every morning I drive to a local park for a 3-mile walk. I take the same route every morning. It takes me to a stop sign, where there is a bus stop for middle school-aged kids. This stop is unusual… READ MORE
