Are they breaking the rules in Niceville?

Lord, help us: Why should there be any question about religion in school up at Niceville?

The issue was settled 221 years ago by people who, having experienced religious persecutions and selectivism, wisely decided that our government, and every endeavor it supports, would not favor one faith over another.

That means strict neutrality. Any other way is unconstitutional.

I met Chip Woolwine years ago and I know he’s not a bad man. But if he’s breaking the rules, he must be stopped. It’s as simple as that.

Also, some of you have treated our reporter rudely, and have attacked her for shedding light on this situation. Let me remind you it was reporters who revealed the past two meningitis outbreaks, and it was reporters who gave you information to help you cop with the aftermath of Hurricane Opal.

Do not slay the messenger, folks.

Nice in Niceville: Just to show I’m not picking on Niceville, here’s a plug for the fine folks of NHS who are trying to organize a reunion for the Class of ’72.

Seventy-two? Even I graduated later than that!

(OK, it was by one year.)

Enough with the “old” jokes. The Class of ’72 is seeking to reunite, and Tina Slown Faulkner, at 678-3506, is the lady to call. Get off your duffs, if you’re able, and give her a call.

Conspiracy theory: Is downtown Fort Walton Beach a conspiracy by no-growth fanatics to drive away the tourists? That’s the theory of one Destin caller, who lamented the passing of Caffe Italia, and the fact that it has been replaced with a cash-for-car-title loan joint. I dunno … even we no-growthers like to get our fast bucks behind the scenes. It’s probably just somebody’s idea of prosperity.

Headlines that did not work: Teacher Strikes Idle Kids.

This week’s wire weirdness: CLEARWATER (AP) – A pair of state detectives took a break from hunting people to follow a car apparently driven by an iguana.

John Halliday and Tom Colbert had to take a second look Thursday morning when they saw the 3-foot, scaly, green and orange beast at the wheel of a car on a busy road.

The car drove south on the congested highway a couple of miles before it pulled into a service station. There, the plainclothes detectives arrested John Ruppell on a drunken driving charge.

“(Ruppell) was slouched down in the seat, but he could obviously see what was going on,” said Larry Sams of the FDLE, adding that Finley the iguana seemed to keep the car in the lane as well or better than Ruppell.

Finley was taken to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in Largo. Ruppell was taken to jail.

Words that should be words: This week’s installment is “telecrastination,” as in: The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only 6 inches away.

Redneck computer terms: “Cursor,” or what some guys do when they are mad at their wife or girlfriend.

This column was originally published in the Wednesday, June 25, 1997 edition of the Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .