Mladen and Del review ‘Weapons’

Image courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures.

“Weapons” Starring Julie Garner as Justine, Amy Madigan as Gladys, Cary Christopher as Alex, Josh Brolin as Archer, Benedict Wong as Marcus, and others. Directed by Zach Cregger. 2 hours, 8 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.

Plot summary: A town is rent asunder when 17 of its children disappear, all from the same elementary school classroom. A teacher, a parent, a cop, a druggie, and a principal are enveloped by strange happenings as the saga of the missing kids devolves.

Spoilers: None

Mladen’s take

“Weapons” is a maybe. Maybe the recently released film is a horror flick. Maybe it’s a thriller. Maybe “Weapons” is slasher-y. Maybe it’s a good movie. And, maybe, I’ll never again see a film that Del recommends.

Yet, somehow, for some reason, the film has me bewitched. It’s the score. Every bit of music is matched perfectly to the scene it depicts. I’m telling you, no matter the combination of floating electronica or the talent of real musicians playing real instruments, the score made the movie’s etherealness palpable. I heard the eeriness, not as a complement to what was happening on the screen, but as its own story. As an aside, dear reader, a film’s score and its soundtrack are different animals. In this case, the soundtrack is sufficient.

What other recent movie scores accomplish the feat of making their films as aurally vibrant as their pictures? “Guns Akimbo.” “Dune.” “Blade Runner 2049.” “Ad Astra.” If you’re a streamer, listen to the soundtrack for “The Swarm.” Magnificent.

“Weapons” secondary merits are fairly abundant, too. The film is a slow burn that has you wondering what comes next. Also done well is the way the director blends “chapters,” each dedicated to one of our central characters, into a complete story with, of course, a climatic ending that brings all of them together. The way the director tells the story, as connected vignettes, was helped by very good acting. All the characters were well developed and both likable and unlikable.

The trouble with “Weapons?” The first had nothing to do with the film – I bought Del’s ticket to reciprocate a measly favor he did for me – but the others do.

I dislike movies where children are in peril or victimized or evil doers, even if they had no say in what they are doing. “Weapons” is that from beginning to end. It’s OK if high schoolers or young adults get whacked. In movies, as in life, they’re useless. But kids, “The Exorcist,” “The Omen”, “Children of the Corn,” come one. And, frankly, the ending ain’t all that cheerful, either.

What can I say? Depending on your taste or distaste, you’ll enjoy the movie or you won’t. For me, “Weapons” is a B-. I just don’t like seeing children in jeopardy, though I sure as hell adore the soundtrack that forced me to like a type of film I would normally disparage.

Del’s take

“Measly” favor my backside, Mladen. I figure you owe me an ADU in your back yard, maybe a Bentley. But I’ll agree with your B- grade of “Weapons” but not for the same reasons. Hear me out.

NPR says “Weapons” is a “terrific and terrifying movie.” No, it isn’t. It’s an OK movie with occasional moments of real tension, but as the curtain falls you’ll be asking yourself if it was worth the fuss.

I do appreciate the way the story was put together. As Mladen said, it’s divided into “chapters,” each one told from a different character’s viewpoint, and the chapters overlap, which at times explains inexplicable events from preceding chapters. Its structure reminded me of a Christopher Nolan movie.

The evolving inexplicabilities were more puzzling than frightening. I’ve seen that done effectively – the vastly underrated “The Crazies” springs first to mind. And that’s the problem with “Weapons.” It’s pitched as a horror movie but for me it wasn’t scary, and that’s a shame because the trailers were actually very creepy. It was over-the-top gory but I don’t conflate blood with tension. If you’d like to watch a REAL scary movie check out “The Innocents” on YouTube, with Deborah Kerr. THAT movie is terrifying, and not one skull was crushed in the process although Mladen would hate it because again, children are placed in peril.

I wasn’t as sold on the soundtrack as Mladen. It followed the modern sensibility of using music you don’t normally associate with a horror movie, and in my opinion it didn’t amplify the sense of foreboding, which I thought was the purpose of a horror movie soundtrack. They did include one very cool George Harrison song I’d never heard. I’ll be looking that up and adding it to my YouTube music playlist.

Quite a few of the characters were unlikeable. The lead viewpoint character, Julie Garner’s Justine, was a quarrelsome, argumentative alcoholic who helped her ex cheat on his present girlfriend. Josh Brolin’s Archer was an enraged finger-pointer in the MAGAt style, and Benedict Wong was an appeaser with questionable taste in lunch (Six hotdogs and a bowl of Cheetohs? C’mon!). The only real sympathetic character was the little boy, Alex (Cary Christopher), who just begged for a responsible adult to swoop in and rescue him from his horrible situation.

Amy Madigan was splendid as Gladys. I didn’t recognize her. I’ve never seen her in a role like that and she nailed it. Kudos … and maybe an Oscar nom?

But alas, not scary. At the movie’s climax people in the audience were laughing, for good reason. Events bordered on comical, and it wasn’t the intentional humor relief necessary to keep the audience invested in a scary story.

So yeah, Mladen, a B- for “Weapons.” Not a bad movie but not a scary Spooky Season movie either. I’ll save my shivers for “The Conjuring.”

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.