It’s a great day for a parade to honor Dear Leader

Well, I hear Dear Leader wants to have a military parade and he wants to have it in June in honor of his birthday.

I don’t know why he doesn’t just take D-Day and rename it “The Donald Day.” I mean, he has such low regard for the “suckers” and the “losers” in the military, so why not? They won’t mind.

I can understand why Dear Leader would like to have a military parade. Guys like him who are, perhaps, “under-endowed” if you know what I mean, usually just go out and buy a big pickup truck.

But we can’t have the president of the United States driving around in a lifted Dodge Ram. It would be unseemly.

So what do you do? You have a military parade.

And there are lots of other world leaders, past and present, who have enjoyed a good military parade.

Like Joseph Stalin of the former Soviet Union, who unalived millions of people and condemned millions of others to the gulags – sometimes he’d take them out of jail and put them to work, and if he didn’t like the work they were doing, it was back to the gulags, or they’d end up on the wrong side of the dirt. Yes, Stalin was very fond of military parades.

Then there’s Kim Jong Un, Dear Leader of North Korea, who once had an uncle unalived with an anti-aircraft gun. Wow, imagine what Thanksgiving was like in that household!

You remember Saddam Hussein, don’t you? He used to stand at the podium during his military parades and fire off his pistol. I hear he did the same at keggers.

And then, of course, there was Il Duce, Benito Mussolini himself, who would stand up at the podium with his arms crossed and his bottom lip poking out. I think Dear Leader has been taking style tips from him.

But who could forget the grandfather of all the military paraders, the funny little mustache man from Austria who unalived millions and millions of people during World War II. He loved a good military parade.

So as you can see, Dear Leader is in good company. And I can see why somebody of his, shall we say, meager attributes, would like to have a military parade. It’s a form of compensation. If only Melania would take one for the team. …

I’m surprised he hasn’t asked the Treasury to strike a coin in his likeness …

Oh dear. I hope I haven’t given him any ideas.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .