RFK Jr. is a joke. Why do we take him seriously?

I see where Captain Brain Worm, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., our new Health & Human Services director, believes people who take anti-depressants are “addicts.”

His strategy for releasing them from this awful addiction? A few weeks, months or years spent at labor camps – excuse me, “rest farms” – where they could rediscover their connection with nature by digging up beets, slopping hogs, you know, all that nature-y stuff.

I suppose he would know a thing or two about addiction, seeing as how he was an addict himself for many years. Except he wasn’t addicted to anti-depressants. No, he was addicted to the good stuff. Hard-core narcotics. Heroin.

And as we all know, heroin never touches your brain. You could come out of a multi-year addiction to heroin without once thinking a worm was eating your brain, or that a dead bear beside the road needed picking up and hauled off to be dumped in Central Park, or that fluoride in drinking water causes autism (do Americans actually drink the water that comes out of their taps anymore?). Those are perfectly reasonable suppositions to draw after looking at all the evidence.

I saw a headline on a legit news site that asked a rhetorical question: Can RJK Jr. make America healthy again?

I had to laugh, not at the headline, but at the fact it was even asked.

Why do we treat this guy as a legitimate health professional? He’s a kook; he’s crazy; he’s fried his brain with heroin.

What we need to do is pat him on the head, put him in the corner and ignore him for the next four years until we can get rid of him AND the people who gave him a position of authority in the first place.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .