If Trump ‘serves’ a third term he’ll need an archaeologist to take his blood pressure

It’s no surprise to anyone with half a brain that Donald Trump is now talking about a third term.

He shouldn’t have even been allowed to finish his first term. Didn’t he commit his first felony before leaving the inauguration platform?

And then a second term? My God, I still can’t believe a convicted felon was allowed to run for president. Makes you proud to be an American, right?

If he “serves” (himself) a third term, how old will he be? He already looks like the Crypt Keeper with a thyroid problem. He doesn’t need a nurse to take his blood pressure – he needs an archaeologist. He’s old enough to have owned slaves. And if he’s incontinent now, think what it’ll be like four years from now. The Secret Service will have to follow him around with a front-end loader filled with kitty litter.

Fortunately we won’t have to worry about a third term because there are a couple of significant obstacles in his way. For starters there’s the 22^nd Amendment, which forbids anyone from serving a third term.

Some of the MAGAts have floated the idea of running JD Vance, Naval call-sign “Couch Fucker,” as president in 2028 with Trump as his running mate. On inauguration day Vance would step down and Trump would ascend to the throne.

Ah, but there’s a problem with that, too – the 12^th Amendment, which says anybody unqualified to run for president is barred from the vice presidency. Of course we’ve known Humpty Trumpty was unqualified from Day 1 but a third of the country was too stupid to understand the memo.

It’s unlikely those amendments can be overturned. That would require the support of two thirds of the House, two thirds of the Senate, and three out of every four states. Not everyone has drunk Trump’s Toilet Bowl flavor of Kool-Aid, so the MAGAts will have to throw out the Constitution altogether to keep Trump in the Oval Office. By that time he’ll be a disembodied head floating in a vat of Trump Vegetable Soup.

Back in the early ’70s, when Richard Nixon was running for re-election, we had a little ditty that went something like this:

Richard Nixon in ’72,

Don’t change Dicks in the middle of a screw.

I haven’t thought of a limerick for Trump, but I’ll come up with something. Four more years of that human garbage disposal is bad enough, but eight?

Barf.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .