Keep clapping, little MAGAts! Keep clapping!

Have you seen the pathetic new videos the MAGAts are producing, the ones where they clap along with the Iggy Azalea song “Black Widow” while displaying an obnoxious MAGA-inspired message such as “My momma didn’t raise no liberal!” or “We’re getting EXACTLY what we voted for”?

You haven’t seen those?

Be glad. You can hear the brain cells dying as you watch them. The sound is like Rice Krispies.

You know, when I was a kid we went to one of those aquatic parks, the ones where the animals perform tricks for food. They had a seal that would swim out of a pool and up on a stage, where it would balance a rubber ball on the tip of its nose, toot a little horn, and then, with its handler holding a mackerel above it, clap its little flippers – clap clap clap clap clap – and the handler would drop the mackerel down its gullet.

Those videos remind me of that seal, clapping its little flippers so somebody would drop a mackerel down its gullet.

And forgive me for noticing but these videos are being produced by a certain, shall we say, demographic. That demographic would be the one where the women apply their makeup with a cement trowel so they can strut their stuff in the parking lot down at the dollar store, and the men stand around all day admiring other men’s trailer hitches, especially those with the little metal scrotum swinging off the end.

Then, at the end of the day, they pick up a $7 case of Natty Light and a bucket of Walmart fried chicken and they all get together for a romantic evening under the stars of shooting rats with the .22 down at the garbage dump.

Keep clapping, little MAGAts. Maybe somebody will drop a fried drumstick down your gullet and you can celebrate with $10 worth of scratch-offs and the dollar store special, a real glass bottle of Miller High Life.

Clap, little MAGAts, Clap!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .