Del and Mladen review ‘Ballerina’

Image by Lionsgate Films.

“From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” Starring Ana de Armas, Keanu Reeves, Ian McShane, Angelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne and Norman Reedus. Directed by Len Wiseman. 2 hours, 4 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.

Plot summary: A young girl’s father is murdered by a shadowy group of assassins, compelling the girl to devote her life to becoming an assassin herself to avenge her father’s death.

Spoilers: Knowing Mladen, probably.

Del’s take

Kudos to Dusty for driving us through some of the worst traffic I’ve ever seen on the Emerald Coast to catch a 6:30 p.m. showing of “From the World of John Wick: Ballerina” at the AMC Theater in Destin Commons.

Mladen said he’d seen worse, but he was being a pill so I think that’s a bunch of hokum. The traffic was bumper-to-bumper from Eglin Parkway in Fort Walton Beach to the entrance of Destin Commons, and it was uniquely chaotic – people doing U-turns at lane cutouts, semis entering the highway, tourists realizing they were in the wrong lane and shoe-horning themselves into microspaces. At times I felt like a character in a video game. Thank you, developers. Glad you’re rich and enjoying the good life while I’m out here in The Stacks trying to make it from Point A to Point B with my hide intact.

We had dinner at a place with robots as servers. The robots spilled drinks as they went out the door to the patio. I’ve seen humans do a better job of spilling drinks. Idiot robots.

Finally, after a gigantic and carb-heavy meal, we jiggled and juggled our way to the movie theater, where a Saturday night showing of “Ballerina” in the Dolby auditorium tipped the scales at a breathtaking $17! SEVENTEEN DOLLARS! I hate to sound like my parents, but ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Did Trump slap tariffs on this movie? Where’s the manager?

About the movie itself:

Mladen will tell you it’s great. No it isn’t. It’s an OK action flick made better by its association with the John Wick franchise, which started strong and is now edging toward absurdity.

Mladen will tell you Ana de Armas is the sexist assassin ever conceived – no she isn’t. She’s certainly easy on the eye but there’s nothing standout about her appearance or performance, which I thought was flat and unappealing.

There are some astonishing fight scenes in the movie, but as a “canon event” as the TikTokkers like to say, it’s much ado about nothing. Or is that adieu?

As a two-hour bit of crazy, mindless fun, it was pretty good. I don’t take these Wick movies seriously enough to delve into the psychological underpinnings of the plot, which is like a bowl of sugary cereal. It tastes good but doesn’t offer much in the way of nutrition or fiber.

I will say the dialogue for this movie wasn’t as clever as previous Wick films, and it seriously underutilizes some fine actors like Angelica Huston, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick and Norman Reedus. Also, there were some glaring logic flaws – would an assassin proficient in martial arts NOT be able to perform a simple pirouette? And if you wanted to have an assassin assassinated, why would you launch your attack at an armory, where your target has easy access to knives, guns and bandoliers of hand grenades?

I thought “Ballerina” was cleverly insinuated within the John Wick universe timeline and again, those fight scenes – a plate-smashing battle at a village full of killers, and a flamethrower duel – were top shelf. But in the end it was just another cliché-driven bloodbath. The violence was so sustained and over-the-top that after awhile it stopped leaving a mark.

One last observation: Eye-popping ticket prices notwithstanding, “Ballerina” may be the first movie I’ve seen where the Dolby sound made a real difference in the quality of the experience. Shotgun blasts and grenade detonations boomed across the auditorium and shook me to the ribs. Impressive!

After the movie we had to wait for Mladen to change his diaper – he was that excited. Prepare yourself for (a) lots of rhapsodizing about “Ballerina” as the greatest thing since sliced heads, and (b) lots of snarky comments about my lack of discernment.

I give “Ballerina” a grade of B. It was good for two hours of mindless entertainment.

Mladen’s take

I’d like to welcome “Eve” (Ana de Armas from “Ballerina”) to the A-list of moviedom’s ass-kicking, balls-busting girls – “Kate” (May Elizabeth Winstead, “Kate), “Love” (Sylvia Hoeks, “Blade Runner 2049”), “Furiosa” (Charlize Theron, “Mad Max Fury Road”), and “Riley” (Jennifer Garner, “Peppermint”). It’s a wonderful coincidence that they’re all good lookin’ as hell, too.

I’d like to exile Del to a retirement community for crotchety old timers where he can bellyache about the days long past when U.S. 98 was a single lane dirt road for donkey carts, Destin was a quaint fishing village, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 25 cents, and this country was a democracy.

A, Del, “Ballerina” is an A because the movie introduces shocking bits of novel, lusciously depicted violence. Good God, really? A grenade, a steel table, and Eve rolling over it before flesh clumps and blood splash an entire room. Damn, that’s memorable.

On two points about the film I agree with Del, who has capacity to make sense, though when that’ll happen is unpredictable.

Seventeen dollars is an outrageous sum to pay to see a movie, even in a Dolby theater but, by golly, the explosions, the shotgun blasts, the glass breaking, the metal crunching, the thumping soundtrack. Glorious they are in Dolby. And, as Del notes, “Ballerina” is integrated flawlessly with the John Wick Universe.   

If there’s a flaw with the film, it’s the puny principal bad guy spitting out sentences justifying immorality, mindless obedience, and bravado that he’s unable to back up personally. No, dear reader, the evil doer isn’t Trump, though his creepiness is Trump-like.

I’ve seen a lot of action movies across genres – sci-fi, spy, war, westerns – but I can’t recall any adventure film like “Ballerina” if the measure of excellence is the stunt en masse. The movie is violence pretty much from beginning to end. It’s the mesmerizing stuntmaking that drives the film to fresh heights of bonkers bloodshed.

“Ballerina” is worthy of the Wick franchise. And, yeah, drop the $17 to see it in a Dolby theater. The audio will blow you way like Eve blows away the bad guys.  

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.