Poor little MAGAts have been traumatized by Mom and Dad’s divorce

As President Tapeworm and Elon Musk went at it hammer and tong on Thursday, sad little MAGAts were squirming and squealing in Truth Social and Twitter as they begged Mom and Dad to stop fighting.

“Can’t we just go back to the way things were?” they pleaded, posting photos of President Tapeworm and Musk gamboling across flower-flocked meadows, hand in hand, happy as can be.

It was like watching children anguish over the parents’ coming divorce. It was epic. I was laughing my ass off. What I want to know is: Which one is Mommy and which one is Daddy?

Then the little MAGAts turned mean, accusing people like me of suddenly falling in love again with Elon Musk, and wasn’t I just the biggest hypocrite? This, from so-called “Christians” and religious believers who supported a liar, criminal and sexual deviant for president. Isn’t that rich?

No, little MAGAts, we don’t like Musk any more now than we did before. We still recognize that both President Tapeworm and Musk are a couple of psychopaths, though they present their pathologies in different ways. President Tapeworm views people as assets to be exploited to further his own means. Musk is all about engineering solutions, and people are impediments to those solutions. Both see people as objects to be manipulated for their benefit.

Unfortunately for both, government cannot be run like a business because there are these trifling details called “people” who keep getting in the way. That’s why the best government solution is often not the most efficient solution. Government must operate with a degree of empathy and compassion, qualities both President Tapeworm and Elon Musk sadly lack.

So little MAGAts, you’re just going to have to wallow in your pathology and choose which parent you want to live with. This is your dysfunctional household, not ours.

Oh, and would somebody let the Vance out in the back yard so it can do its business? And don’t leave that shit on the ground; bag it up and throw it away.

And somebody please wash the slipcover on the couch. It’s getting sticky.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .