Mladen and Del review ‘Iron Lung’

Image courtesy of Markiplier Studios.

“Iron Lung” starring Mark Fischbach as Simon, Caroline Kaplan as Ava, Elsie Lovelock as SM-8 Research Lead, Elle LaMont as SM-8 Research Assistant, and others. Directed by Mark Fischbach. 2 hours, 7 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release.

Plot summary: Mankind, the whole universe, actually, faces extinction by a phenomenon labeled “The Quiet Rapture.” The extinction source, or at least one of its local representatives, lurks at bottom of a moon’s blood-red sea. Simon, accused of destroying a colony of increasingly rare humans, is the “convict” sent to find the beast. His vessel is a claustrophobic submersible, the iron lung.

Mladen’s take

“Iron Lung” is a miraculous movie. It deserves the honor of getting its own genre, science fiction sectarian horror. The film also deserves an A-.

So, let’s get the insults of Del, who hated “Iron Lung,” out of the way.

Del is the first to complain about the lack of originality coming out of film studios these days but then gets pissy when something original such as “Iron Lung” forces him to pay attention. How he was able to nap intermittently through this strident, pulsing film is puzzling.

Second, the movie is intelligible despite what Del contends. Yes, some of the dialogue is difficult to separate from blaring alarms, buzzing proximity sensors, overlapping voices on the PA, and the Iron Lung hull clanging from impacts but the message is clear. There’s something out there with god power and its switching off the universe.

The soundscape in “Iron Lung” is done with stunning alacrity and precision. To me the sound effects are the star of the film. The ambience, the suspense, and the scares in “Iron Lung” are driven by sound. The snap and recharge of an X-ray scanner that our star‑crossed hero Simon uses to snap pictures of whatever is outside his submersible. A shrill, electronic voice repeating over and over “hull breach, hull breach, hull breach.” The clicking of the dial helm that Simon uses to control the direction of travel of the iron lung. The soundscape in this film is matched very nicely with the score. It’s electronica that brings drama to “Iron Lung,” rather than a soulless silliness.

When visual effects come into play, they’re almost entirely practical. The tight spaces of the submersible bleed condensation and, eventually, the ocean. Simon endures a body-wrecking metamorphosis. Between getting introduced as a convict whose journey to the bottom of the blood sea is punishment and the iron lung getting crushed, Fischbach puts on a very good one‑man show. He’s the only person you see, with a couple of brief exceptions, throughout the movie. The voice performances in this film are also very good. Kudos to Kaplan’s Ava. 

Though “Iron Lung” is driven by nearly incomparable soundscaping, its antagonist is nothing new. The Quiet Rapture, which snuffs stars and planets by expanding, has been witnessed elsewhere. It was The Nothing in “The NeverEnding Story” (1984). It was the Great Evil or, to the principal bad human in the film, Mr. Shadow in “The Fifth Element (1997). And, in “Event Horizon” (1997), the malign force was something demonic from another dimension. “Iron Lung” offers a fresh perspective on the genre of the universe-ending beast by adding a touch of religious mysticism to the filmmaking. Here, the Light is the enemy.

Man, I wish I had seen this film in a Dolby theater.

Del’s take

What the hell did I just watch?

“Iron Lung” may be successful as a video game but it’s unwatchable as a movie. I didn’t “nap” as Mladen incorrectly asserted but I sure as hell struggled to stay awake because “Iron Lung” is thuddingly dull and dense as hundred-year-old fruitcake. Little to nothing happens in this Lovecraftian set piece and what does is incomprehensible.

The story, revealed through a series of grunts, moans, shouts and sobs, is about a guy (Simon) who did a bad thing (destroyed Filament Station) and gets sent on a one-way mission to recover a sample of a skeleton (?) – but then the mission objective changes when Simon reveals he found the wreckage of a previous sample mission … NOW they want the black box from that sub – but unfortunately “alien shit” is transforming Simon into something that isn’t human. Oh, and he’s experiencing hallucinations and he might be crazy so we don’t know if what we’re seeing is really happening or if it’s a figment of Simon’s pickled imagination.

This so-called story takes place in a tiny submersible that looks like a weiner-shaped bathyscape built in the 1930s. It’s dark. It’s clammy. It leaks blood. It’s VERY claustrophobic. We get lots of detailed, almost loving shots of fluids running down walls and slime dripping from pipes à la “Alien” but done to head-shaking excess. The bathyscape does have a somewhat interesting camera display of X-rays taken whenever Simon pushes a big red button, but the black-and-white photos are so grainy and unfocused they merely contribute to the mystery. Still, it’s a nice touch.

My big gripe with “Iron Lung,” apart from its lack of action, is that it NEVER explains its backstory. I have the following questions:

– What is Filament Station, and how did Simon destroy it, and why?

– What is “The Quiet Rapture”?

– Why is it so important to retrieve a bone fragment from the bottom of a blood ocean? (Mladen said it wasn’t blood. Everything I’ve read says it was. I’m going with blood.)

– Exactly what information does that black box contain that’s so damned important to Simon’s handlers?

– What are these alien creatures?

In other words, what is this movie about?

The soundtrack had the acoustic balm of a jackhammer, and the constant barrage of superfluous visuals did nothing to advance the plot and merely dragged out the agony of watching “Iron Lung.” Simon’s incessant screaming and crying, along with his annoying habit of overstressing every single point he tried to make, convinced me YouTuber Markiplier – that’s director/star David Fischbach’s YouTube handle – was simply trying to pad the movie to a feature length. I suppose if you’re familiar with the game, all this might make more sense. But for someone walking in with zero knowledge it was 2 hours of wasted time and $12 of wasted money.

The movie has pulled in $21 million in box office receipts, far offsetting its under-$3 million production costs, so I guess Markiplier is enjoying the last laugh, which is OK. I’m glad to see an independent filmmaker succeed and I applaud his effort. Contrary to Mladen’s MAGA-like reasoning, I don’t have to like a movie to support its conception and the work that went into creating it.

I don’t like “Iron Lung.” It makes no sense and it’s boring. I’m grading it a D, and the only reason I don’t give it an F is because I’m happy to see an indie filmmaker beat the odds. I hope Markiplier’s next effort is a vast improvement over this.

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.