If you voted to have your health insurance gutted, don’t freak out. There’s hope
This is just a random photo of me I took today while out in the freezing cold getting my 3 miles of walking in.
During the run-up to the Nov. 5 election I heard of Trump supporters who said they wouldn’t mind seeing Obamacare repealed but they didn’t want the Affordable Care Act touched. The ACA was their health insurance provider and they liked it just fine.
Ever since then I’ve been trying to think of a tactful way of giving them bad the news, because that’s what I am now. Tactful. Nice. I’m trying to reinvent myself. In the past I would have lashed out, calling them stupid, or MAGAts, or orcs. But now I’m trying to be a kinder, gentler Del … (even though I’m surrounded with seething stupidity – OK, not gonna go there).
I think I’ve come up with something and I wanted to run it past you guys to see how it sounds, OK? So here goes. This is what I came up with:
Hi there.
You know who Snoop Dogg is, don’t you? Everyone knows who Snoop Dogg is – hell, even I know who Snoop Dogg is, and I’m so out of touch with pop culture I thought rage farming was some kind of organic chicken.
Anyway, you do know that Snoop Dogg is not his actual name. It’s not as if his mother, Mrs. Dogg, went to the hospital, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and named him Snoop.
No. His real name is Calvin Broadus Jr. “Snoop Dogg” is his nom de plume, his stage name, his street name if you will. But at the end of the day Calvin Broadus Jr. and Snoop Dog are the same person.
Obamacare has the same relationship with the Affordable Care Act. Obamacare is the “street name,” if you will, for the Affordable Care Act. But at the end of the day, Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing.
Some of you are beginning to realize you have made a terrible mistake, that by voting for candidates who said they would repeal Obamacare, you voted to have your own health insurance gutted.
I know this is happening because some of you are going to Google and typing in, “Can I change my vote?”
Well, no, you can’t change your vote. Voting is not like going to Walmart and buying a pair of nose-hair trimmers and realizing they’re the wrong size so you take them back and try to get a refund. Voting is non-refundable.
But don’t freak out. All is not lost. There is one thing you can do.
If these politicians – who YOU helped elect – end up gutting your health insurance, you have one option. And I say this entirely without rancor. I’m not being sarcastic. I’m not trying to be a wise guy.
If these politicians – who YOU helped elect – end up gutting your health insurance, do this:
Don’t get sick.
It’s as simple as that.
Just don’t get sick.
For the next four years, don’t get sick.
Think of it this way: Remember when you were a kid, and you were stuck in the car with Mom and Dad on some long road trip, and Dad was driving and you had to pee real bad but Dad didn’t want to stop so you had to hold it in until Dad got tired and pulled over? Remember that?
Well, that’s what you have to do now. Hold it in.
For the next four years, if you get sick, just hold it in until we can get somebody back in the White House who might reinstate your health insurance.
I know. That’s not the news you were hoping to hear. I’m sorry.
But that’s all I got. And now it’s time to go.
So good luck, and goodbye.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
As you can see, the very important part of the label, the one that reads "dog treats," is covered by the price tag. Thanks, guys! Image by Del Stone Jr.
They say you should never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, but that’s what I did the other day – I was STARVING to death.
I saw this bag of beef jerky and I thought, “Oh, that looks so good,” so I went ahead and got it.
Last night I was craving a snack so I ripped open the bag, took one out and started eating it.
It had kind of a funky taste so I took a look at the package, and that’s when I realized the price tag was covering the part of the label that read:
DOG TREATS.
I was eating a DOG TREAT.
A little Thanksgiving surprise for me from Walmart.
Thanks, guys!
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
I don't know who took this picture. They should never be allowed to use a camera again.
Today is my birthday. Here is a list of my demands.
I want a Gulfstream private jet. That way Taylor Swift and I can drop down to Key West for lunch, or make a day of shopping at those cute little boutiques in Panama.
If you’re not going to buy me the Gulfstream, how about a Bugatti Chiron sports car? Imagine, a car that sits so low to the ground you can slide under the 18-wheelers as you cruise down the interstate at over 300 mph. Perfect for navigating the parking lot at Walmart.
If the Bugatti doesn’t work for you, I can make this simple: Give me 346 million dollars. Why 346 million? That’s enough money that I can buy all the trinkets I want, but not so much that it makes me look greedy.
You’re not going to do any of those things, are you. (Cheapskate.) Well at least do this:
Like this post, and leave a comment. Wish me a happy birthday. Tell me I look good for my age. Follow, or subscribe, or whatever – just attach yourself to me in some way … not like a parasite, but you know what I mean. In a way that seems to mean something but really doesn’t.
I need the affirmation. I’m 69 now, the last year that I can conceivably claim to be “middle aged” before I become the next poster child for AARP.
I guess I should wrap this up with something funny, or wry, but to be honest, I can’t think of anything. I’m having a senior moment.
That’s it. I’m done.
Bye.
P.S. – That picture of me was taken 24 years ago. I look much worse now. But I really like that Ecko shirt. I wish I still had it. I wish it would still fit.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .