While the rest of us are suffering, President Sex Offender is having fun
I suppose you’ve heard about the four American soldiers who were unalived during a training exercise in Lithuania.
I don’t know if you are aware of the fact that the Lithuanians gave those soldiers a beautiful send-off. Thousands of Lithuanian citizens lined the streets to pay their respects as the soldiers were transported to the airport. The Lithuanian president said that military service in their country is not just a duty but an emotion.
Contrast that with the reception they received at Dover Air Force Base in the United States. Our president was too busy playing golf down in South Florida to attend the dignified transfer. He sent that drunk, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth – gosh, I hope he was sober.
And speaking of golf, I don’t if you knew this but every time the president travels to Florida to play golf it costs the American taxpayers between $3.5 million and $5 million.
Trump was inaugurated on Jan. 20, 2025. Since that date he has come to Florida to play golf seven times. He also took a trip to the Super Bowl and he visited the Daytona 500, so that’s nine of these jaunts at a cost of $3.5 million to $5 million apiece. By my reckoning, using the $5 million figure because the math is easier, that’s $45 million the American taxpayer has shelled out to haul his fat ass around so he could have some fun.
I understand presidents need to occasionally get out, enjoy life and do some things. However, we’ve been told that times are dire – so dire that Trump had to hire a foreign national, Elon Musk, to come in like the Grim Reaper and slash hundreds of thousands of jobs, lay waste to government services and eviscerate federal agencies, all in the name of saving money. If times are so dire, why are we having to pay $45 million in three months for the president’s fun?
And when you put the numbers together they come out something like this: If he’s averaging two of these trips per month then that’s $10 million, or $120 million per year. If he actually makes it through all four years of his term the taxpayers will have spent almost half a billion dollars on this guy to cheat at golf. People are losing their jobs, federal services are being cut – hell, they don’t even have rangers at the national parks – but the president gets to play golf.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
By the way, there were members of Congress at the dignified transfer at Dover. They were all Democrats. I guess the Republicans were too busy committing sex offenses and stealing our money to pay their respects.
Oh, and I may be wrong about this, but looking at the names of the fallen soldiers, and seeing their photos, I believe three of the four were people of color, exactly the kind of people President Sex Offender is trying to deport.
Maybe he just didn’t have time for more “suckers and losers” as he once put it.
The man is a sorry excuse for a human being. The people who defend him are almost as bad.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
The stock market is in meltdown mode. The Dow Jones has fallen 2,200 points in the last two days of trading. Economists the world over are saying President Anal Polyp’s tariffs will plunge the world into a recession. Meanwhile, millions of Americans took to the streets on Saturday to protest President Anal Polyp’s policies.
And what was President Anal Polyp doing during all this?
Playing golf.
That’s right. While you and I were losing our shirts, President Anal Polyp was playing golf. You’ll be relieved to hear he won his flight and will play for the club championship on Sunday.
You’ve heard the expression, “While Nero fiddled, Rome burned”? Its modern analogy is: While President Anal Polyp played golf, America burned.
It almost seems like President Anal Polyp is deliberately trying to crash the economy, and I’ve heard a number of theories as to why that might be. For instance, one theory holds that he’s trying to goad Americans into taking to the streets so he can declare martial law and have himself appointed Dear Leader for life.
Another theory has it that he’s deliberately trying to crash the economy so that all his billionaire buddies can swoop in and buy up the nation’s assets at firesale prices.
I, however, believe in a different theory. It’s called the JPS Theory. “JPS” stands for “just plain stupid.” I think that’s the reason President Anal Polyp is doing what he’s doing, because he’s just plain stupid.
Or it could be the JFI Theory – Just a Fucking Idiot. The JFI Theory and the JPS Theory are basically kissin’ cousins; six to one, half-dozen to another. Either way, I don’t think there’s a lot going upstairs in President Anal Polyp’s brain.
Economists have had a chance to look at the formula being used by President Anal Polyp to “guide” himself in his economic policies, and they say it is the economic equivalent of creation theory. I guess you could call it “magamatics.” Are you guys familiar with creation theory? If not, let me explain it to you. Creation theory has it that evolution never took place, that God simply snapped his fingers and voila! There was a talking pterodactyl with a saddle so Jesus could ride around in style. That’s creation theory.
So apparently, President Anal Polyp is using a theory of talking dinosaurs to guide him in his management of the economy. Let’s just call that “Barney-nomics,” you know, for Barney the talking dinosaur.
So let me just recap here. While the rest of us are losing our shirts in an economic meltdown that threatens to reduce the United States to Third World status, President Anal Polyp is playing golf. Nero fiddled while Rome burned.
And, President Anal Polyp is using a talking dinosaur to guide him in his management of the economy.
Sounds about right. Just another day in the United States of America.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
Image courtesy of Flickr user Dennis Church by way of a Creative Commons license. https://www.flickr.com/photos/dfc_pcola/
When I want to experience nature in the flesh NATURE’S flesh, that is, not mine – I don’t hike in the woods. I go to the golf course.
Such was the case the other day when Scott, my golfing accomplice, descended on a local course for “a day at the links.” I say “accomplice” because Scott is one of the few people I can actually beat, provided we both cheat in a consistent manner. Once, Scott hit his ball in a sand trap and took so many strokes trying to get out that the course manager demanded he purchase drilling rights before continuing.
But enough of ridiculing Scott, who owns a 5-iron that would probably wrap nicely around my neck. On the day in question we approached the first tee with all the happy expectations of any golfer who has not actually struck a ball yet. There had been a terrible storm the night before. Trees were down all over the course. We dubbed it “Road Warrior Golf.”
Our playing partners, two guys “from Hurlburt” (I didn’t know if they were here for a little R&R after blowing up bridges in Iraq or bagging groceries at the commissary) told us there was a dead possum in the garbage can on the fourth hole.
Sure enough, when we reached the fourth hole there lay the possum, nestled amid the banana peels and Coke cans. I’d never seen a possum anywhere but beside a major highway, flattened to the thickness of a video rental card, so I was curious. … Actually, I was horrified, because Scott used his putter to poke the thing and it bared its fangs and hissed, which in possum means the same thing as rattlesnake, as in “Climb the nearest tree.”
Well, Scott turned over the garbage can and the possum trotted off in the direction of a nearby four-lane highway, where it was probably flattened by a truck.
Meanwhile, on the fairway we found another creature. Can you guess what it was? A rabbit nibbling on fresh grass blades? A goat? A herd of bison? Oh, you readers are so comically unimaginative. Of course, it was a FISH, dried to the hardness of a space shuttle re-entry tile. Apparently a nearby canal had flooded during the previous night’s storm and when the water retreated the fish was … well, ha ha, it was like a fish out of water!
But even that doesn’t compare to what awaited us on the next green. Let’s just say it was short and fat and had a forked tongue and two venom-filled teeth. No, you cynical readers, it wasn’t Roseanne Barr! It was a water moccasin. (To tell the truth, I don’t know the difference between a water moccasin and a plumber’s snake, but I do know one I’d pick up and the other I’d run over with a golf cart.)
This snake was major-league angry, possibly because I was clubbing it with my putter. When it tried to BITE my putter, I decided to “return to the game,” which in golf parlance means, “Leave the snake alone and putt out, since there are golfers backed up to the parking lot waiting for you to get out of the way so they can club the snake.”
So it was a “Wild Kingdom” kind of day at the golf course, and I’m trading in my spikes for hip-waders.
This column was originally published in the April 4, 1991 Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, Ello and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .