Maybe I’ll just get rid of the car and start using Uber

I was sitting in an office, having a conversation with a doctor, when his nurse poked her head through the door and said, “Is that your little white car out in the parking lot?”

You always want to hear those words.

And yes, it was my little white car in the parking lot. I asked her if it had been hit. She said yes, it had. I didn’t know what to do. The doctor suggested we go outside and take a look, so out we went, into a gentle rain, where a gray Toyota Tundra was butt cheek to butt cheek against my Honda HRV. In fact, I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

The lady who did it was extremely upset and very apologetic. I wanted to tell her that’s why they call them “accidents.” I wanted to tell her if her husband gave her a hard time, remind him of the time HE dented the fender. But I was too distracted.

The two were separated. At first, it appeared only the mirror had been scraped. But then I noticed the driver’s side door had been dented. That would need fixing.

The medical clinic staff was magnificent. While I returned to the doctor’s office, they gathered the woman’s insurance information, took photos, and called the Florida Highway Patrol, which said if the accident occurred in a parking lot and nobody was injured, they wouldn’t respond. Many kudos and thanks to those folks.

The lady’s insurance company was the same as mine. I thought that would make it easier. Looking back, I’d say it added another layer of confusion. When I called to file a claim, I had to make sure they were filing it against HER policy, not mine. I’d hate to see my rates go up. I don’t see how they can go much higher, but never tempt the insurance company gods.

My car is in the shop right now being fixed. The insurance company provided me with a car. Yes, a car. It’s fine, except it sits a lot lower than my admittedly small SUV. Getting out of the car is like raising the Titanic. And it’s got technology my 8-year-old SUV doesn’t have, like a blind-spot warning light, which I love, and push-button start, of which I’m suspicious. How does one start the car when the fob battery dies?

Oh, and I just got off the phone with the insurance company claims adjuster. Somehow, she had it in her “narrative” that I had backed out of a parking spot and hit the other vehicle. I said no, that’s not right. She said, tell me in your own words what happened. I said, I was not even in the car. A woman tried to park next to me and hit my car. She said, “I’m just reading what’s in the narrative.” I said, Well, sorry, but your narrative is wrong. She didn’t seem to appreciate my snarky tone.

Then I told her we both have the same car insurance company – the one she works for. Ohhhhh. That made a difference. She did some digging. I had to listen to some awful corporate hold music. Then she came back online and said yes, she understood now.

I fully expect that when my next insurance bill comes due it’ll be $500 higher because of the accident “I caused,” and I’ll spend days on the phone trying to explain to insurance adjusters that I did NOT cause the accident, that I was NOT even in the car, and then who knows?

Maybe I’ll just get rid of the car and take Uber from now on.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .