Del and Mladen review ‘Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu’

Image courtesy of Disney.

“Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu” Starring Pedro Pascal as The Mandalorian, Sigourney Weaver as Colonel Ward, and the voice of Martin Scorsese as Hugo Durant, among others. Directed by John Favreau. Two hours, 12 minutes. Rated PG-13.

Plot summary: Mandalorian Din Djarin and his young companion, Grogu, must rescue the son of Jabba the Hutt from the moon Shakari in exchange for information about the location of Imperial warlord Commander Coin.

Spoilers: Of course.

Del’s take

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, movies were made with such joie de vivre they exceeded the sum of their parts. Now, they are made to sell pillowcases and stuffed animals.

“Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu” has a hero and a villain; a “plot,” if it can be called that; rising action and a climax; a rousing score – all the ingredients of an actual movie. But its pieces are stitched together by the thinnest narrative thread, and its performances are curiously lifeless. When director Favreau throws the switch and electricity flows into his creation, absolutely nobody will shout, “It’s alive!”

The story is about Din Djarin, a Mandalorian, and his ward, Grogu, a kind of mini-Yoda, who are tasked with rescuing the son of notorious crime lord Jabba the Hutt in exchange for information about the location of Imperial warlord Commander Coin. They discover Jabba’s son, Rotta, is actually a pawn in an evil scheme managed by the Hutt twins, cousins of Jabba and successors to his crime organization. To restore balance to – if not the force then karma – Djarin and Grogu must embark on a series of galaxy-spanning adventures that confront them with mortal peril.

The movie is structured like a James Bond film, with a pre-title sequence worthy of the ticket price. From there it settles into a string of episodic cliffhangers that carry the movie to its not very satisfying conclusion.

Like many Star Wars movies, the actors’ roles are muted – in this case suppressed to the point that nobody really gives a damn what happens to them. Even Sigourney Weaver, queen of the “Alien” and “Avatar” franchises, musters only a pale shadow of the badass gravitas she brings to those other projects. It doesn’t help that Pedro Pascal is concealed behind a helmet for most of the film, and Grogu is nothing more than a puppet designed to sell warehouses of branded junk.

Characters are given zero backstory. If you haven’t seen the Disney streaming series “The Mandalorian” you won’t have any idea what’s happening. But that doesn’t matter because the Star Wars universe has become so fraught with complication you’d need a doctorate’s in entropy to keep track of the entanglements, subplots and allegiances.

In the end, who cares? We know from experience the Mandalorian will outrun, outfight and outlive any adversary, and the strange little green puppet he’s taken on as a friend will sell whatever schlock they slap his likeness on. It’s just another episode in the endless marketing campaign that passes for art in the United States these days.

“Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu” is the kind of movie AI would create if AI could make movies. It has no beating heart. Its characters are bland. The plot reads like a series of hastily sketched TV episodes. It has the look and feel of a Star Wars movie but provides nothing in the way of a relatable human experience. I saw the original Star Wars movie, “A New Hope,” in the movie theater 19 times because that movie spoke to me.

“Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu” put me to sleep.

I’m giving it a C+.

Mladen’s take

I was giddy during the first explosion-laced, body count-filled, mystique-building 5 minutes of “Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu.” My mind was racing. Where does Mando and Grog belong in the Top Five List of the best Star Wars movies? I put it in 4th place.

Man, from the score and its Andes Mountains bass recorder serenity to Imperial walkers detonating, Din Djarin blasts away from the shadows. When he emerges from the dark, the set pieces become a combination of the finest street-level fighting in any Star Wars film. It’s Jedi, Grammaton Cleric, and Wick hand-to-hand spliced together. Just beautiful. The pacing and, this is important, the realism of the destruction is palpable.

Then, Mando and Grog deteriorates, though not linearly. There are moments that had me thinking there’s yet hope for this film. When the scene cuts to Mando in the spacious cockpit of his ST-70 Assault Ship Razor Crest, I floated into my own sci-fi fantasy. There I am flying my hijacked Va’Ruun Dirge with its vast solar wind canopy hiding nothing in front of me as I explore the worlds of the video game “Starfield.” Lovely.

But, Mando and Grog never realize my hope. The film’s unemotional, way too calm, expository, and plodding dialogue never relented. It sounded too much like humans talk on planet Earth today. The idioms annoyed me. There’s too much of us in this movie. At least Mando never pulled a cell phone from his cloak to post a selfie of him blasting a man-sized centipede‑like creature during an enclosed arena kickboxing-like showdown.

Mando and Grog is too much action and too little story as Del noted, I must concede, very nicely in his take despite getting all French‑y on us. Joie de vivre, Del? Tu es snob? The scriptwriters and the director blew the opportunity to make Mando and Grog an iconic Star Wars flick.

Another problem with the film is a very, very long stretch of cinematography that seemed to exist for no better reason than demonstrating puppeteering. Yeah, Grogu is cute but only becomes relevant late in the film when he saves Din’s life. And that took too long.

As I brooded about the movie, which Del and I saw in unnecessary 3D, its fatal flaw finally occurred to me. More than any other factor, Mando and Grog misfires because it lacks a magnificent Bad Guy. The Hutts are vapid. The former Empire officers turned criminals are puny and weak.

The revelation also helped me understand how I rank Star Wars movies. The best Star Wars movies starting with the best of the best are: “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” “Star Wars Episode IV – A New Hope,” “Star Wars – The Empire Strikes Back,” and “Star Wars Episode VI – Return of the Jedi.” Note that there are only four exceptional films. Why? Because they have Darth Vader. Because they are Darth Vader, more than anything else.

Vader, now dead in the lore and resurrecting him like the Emperor in “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” is impossible because it would annihilate the Star Wars universe, is also the reason there’ll never be another great Star Wars movie though a very good one remains possible.

Vader has no equal in Bad Guy moviedom. Sure Agent Smith of The Matrix comes close but he’s only software. Vader of the Dark Side is both Satan and God and he looks and sounds like it. His purpose muddies gradually across the four great Star Wars movies. And, as an aside, his “cameo” at the end of Rogue One is one of the most spectacular scenes generated by any moviemaker anywhere.

So, what’s left for the world of Star Wars? Recognizing that each new film needs a fresh plot codified by a great script supplemented by a majestic score that’s enhanced through stunning visual effects without 3D bullshit. In that order. If Disney is unable to do that with the next film sans (there I go getting all French‑y) AI, it’s spacetime for Star Wars to be sucked into a black hole to be never again seen.

“The Mandalorian and Grogu” is a C worth seeing in the theater by those who enjoy action for action’s sake.    

Mladen Rudman is a former journalist and technical writer. Del Stone Jr. is a former journalist and writer.