If you don’t know what you’re doing, at least look good while you’re doing it

Image by Donkey Hotey. CC license. https://www.flickr.com/photos/donkeyhotey/

Pete Hogsbreath, our intoxicated secretary of defense who, after a long day of lying to the American public, fomenting chaos in the Pentagon and touching up his makeup, likes to sit back, relax and enjoy a few bottles of Old Granddad, recently had an unsecured internet line installed in his office so he could access the chat app Signals.

This is in the wake of Hogsbreath having two conversations on Signals with various members of the Trump regime in which classified and sensitive information was discussed.

THIS is in addition to Hogsbreath inviting his wife to attend sensitive military meetings with some of America’s former allies. I assume she was his designated driver.

And then just recently, Hogsbreath fired three subordinates – allegedly because they’d committed security breaches.

You’ll forgive me but I don’t think it takes a PhD in military affairs and security to figure out where those security breaches are coming from.

My God.

I don’t understand why this man is still a member of the Trump regime. I guess what I said yesterday is true – the only qualifications for belonging to Trump’s Cabinet are that you be white and slavishly faithful to whatever dumbass idea that man has come up with today.

Folks, this is all going to come back and bite us in the ass, bigtime.

Meanwhile, word has it Hogsbreath had a makeup room installed in the Pentagon.

Wow.

It just goes to show: If you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re doing, at least look good doing it.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .