It didn’t take President Liver Fluke to reclaim his title of Human Butt Plug

Donald J. Trump, aka Mr. Compassion. Image by Gage Skidmore. CC license.

That was a really nice statement posted by President Liver Fluke when it became known Joe Biden has prostate cancer. For a moment – for a brief, shining moment – I had to ask myself: Have I misjudged that creature? Because beneath that withered, atrophied, Sunny D-stained exterior I thought I detected the beating heart of a human being, a whiff of compassion.

Well, THAT didn’t last long.

Within hours President Liver Fluke had confirmed yet again that he’s the human equivalent of a butt plug. He and the MAGAts began speculating about a cover-up. How could Joe Biden’s cancer diagnosis go so long without anybody knowing about – especially since he’s married to a doctor!

I think the next time President Liver Fluke, or any of the MAGAt males for that matter, need to have their prostates checked, they should make an appointment with Dr. Seuss. He’s a doctor, isn’t he?

While we’re talking about medical cover-ups, when are the MAGAts going to address the issue of President Liver Fluke’s obvious dementia? When is somebody going to talk about that? Clearly he’s suffering from cognitive confusion. No human being says the things he says without having a brain that looks like Swiss cheese.

I expect any moment he’ll start raving about other crazy things like alien abductions and being anally probed. Maybe that’s why he hates immigrants so much – because they’re illegal aliens who might keelhaul him off to their spaceship and stick a probe up his butt.

If that happened, at least he’d know how the rest of us feel.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .