Maybe Kar Kar Leavitt should start a 12-step group for bottle blondes

At a press conference recently, Donald Strump’s White House Spokesbitch Karoline Leavitt, oh she of the smug, imperious dismissal, brought up the subject of Strump’s surging popularity in the polls.

For somebody who doesn’t care about the polls, he sure spends a lot of time looking at them.

Specifically, Ms. Leavitt – or can we be less formal and call her Kar Kar – referenced a poll published in the Daily Mail that showed el presidente’s popularity at record highs.

Before I go any farther, let me ask something: What is it with MAGA women’s obsession with blindingly blonde hair? I think Ms. Leavitt and Pam Bondi should start a 12-step group for bottle blondes. It must be an Aryan thing, like the MAGA “men” wearing blood red ties – not just “blood red ties” but arterial blood red ties. I haven’t seen that much red since the May Day celebration in Moscow’s Red Square.

The Daily Mail is a UK-based tabloid newspaper. My British friends tell me it is to the U.K. what The National Enquirer is to the U.S. We all know the tabloids are purveyors of the very finest journalism, such as: “Queen Gives Birth to Bigfoot’s Love Child,” “Flying Saucer Lands in Trafalgar Square and out Walks Younger, Dapper Winston Churchill,” or “Donald Strump’s Popularity Surges in New Poll.”

Meanwhile, in the world of Big Boy Journalism, which publishes REAL polls, Donald Strump’s popularity is circling the toilet bowl.

But that’s OK, Kar Kar. You take the good news wherever you can find it. You keep us up to date on the whereabouts of Bigfoot. Maybe somebody will slap him with a paternity suit.

That’s the view from zero elevation. You have yourself a sweet day … Kar Kar.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .