Coral snakes, ticks and wild hogs were the highlights of this camping adventure

Here are the continuing highlights of my camping adventures at Manatee Springs State Park, and elsewhere:

The coral snake: Just as the Indians did hundreds of years ago, we sally forth from our campsite in the morning to gather provisions, which means we invent an excuse to ride in the air-conditioned car to the Jiffy Mart to buy Twinkies. When we return, we are told that one of our party, having nothing better to do while we were gone, took an ax and chopped in half what appeared to be a coral snake, although it might have been one of the many harmless varieties of snakes which roam the campground, slither into your sleeping bag at night devour you in a single, 20-hour sitting.

When I examine the half of the snake that did not flee into the woods to kill again, I quickly remember the old rhyme about identifying coral snakes by their color stripes:

Red touch yellow,

Kill a fellow.

Red touch black,

Go ahead Jack

And try your luck, fool.

Yes, this is definitely a coral snake half. As we stand there congratulating ourselves on our deadly snake-killing prowess, it occurs to me that there is half a coral snake still out there somewhere, and it is probably angry, and maybe we should relocate our campsite to a safer location, such as the Econo-Lodge in Minneapolis.

Since there is nothing better to do until the after-dark woodlands “Star Wars” sound effects, I take the coral snake half and coil it at the door to the ladies’ restroom. For hours, I entertain myself by watching women emerge from the restroom and blithely tromp on the snake half. By now, an intact coral snake would have put itself out of its misery by biting itself.

The tick: The woodlands of Florida abound with insect life, as to the homes, places of business, hospitals and major theme parks of Florida. The entire state is a vast, writhing breeding ground for insect life, and Manatee Springs State Park is no exception. At night, we entertain ourselves by watching giant roaches crawl up the tent, secure in the knowledge that they will probably be stomped to death by wild hogs, or eaten by the Bobs.

One insect visitor to our campsite is a tick. For you camping beginners who do not know the difference between a tick and a Port-a-Potty, I should explain that a tick is a disease-carrying organism, just as every living thing on this planet is a disease-carrying organism, except Julie Andrews. Ticks attach themselves to you and suck your blood, just like television evangelists.

One of our party is bitten by this evil tick. We apply all the traditional folk remedies: touching the tick with a lighted match, spreading oil and peanut butter over its abdomen, bribing it with offers of its own syndicated talk show. By the time we get it out, our victim is ready to say to hell with everything and have the leg amputated.

This column was published in the June 2, 1988 edition of the Northwest Florida Daily News and is used with permission.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .