Maybe having Canada as our 51st state isn’t such a bad idea after all
I need to credit my friends Monte and Loloma with his one.
The MAGAts are always telling us how smart Donald Trump is. He’s 10 steps ahead of everyone else. He’s playing five-dimensional chess. Everything he does is calculated. He’s simply following the master plan – that only he can see.
I’d like to ask the MAGAts something.
He’s been raving for some time now about Canada becoming America’s 51st state. He brought up just the other day during a meeting with the head of NATO.
Canadians have made it very clear they’re not interested in becoming America’s 51st state. They’re quite happy being a sovereign nation, and they hate Donald Trump – they really hate him.
But let’s say that in some inconceivable fever dream rendition of the near future, perhaps induced by a tab of LSD, Canada, against its will, became the 51st state in the American union. Whom do you think 40 million pissed-off Canadians would vote for in the next election?
MAGA?
The Republicans?
Dementia Donald Trump?
Hell no! They’d vote for the opposition. The GOP would have its ass handed to it. We would finally see an end to the political existence of Trump, the Republicans and MAGA.
Hmmm. That doesn’t sound very smart to me. In fact, it sounds fucking stupid.
Why would Trump pursue such a course? Is there a hidden McGuffin I haven’t taken into account?
Or maybe he’s just a fucking idiot who doesn’t know what he’s going to do from one hour to the next.
I know one thing: Maybe having Canada as our 51st state isn’t such a bad idea after all.
About the author:
Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”
Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.
As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.
Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .
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