Pavlov is gone

The saddest thing I have ever done. Twice now.

Pavlov is now slumbering forever beneath the hickory trees in Mom’s back yard, next to Maggie. He is wrapped in a towel and has his favorite play toy, a Doc Martens shoelace, within handy reach.

He looks like he did last night as he curled beside me on the couch, his eyes scrunched into trusting V’s, only now he does not hurt.

The photograph with this blog was taken in 1992. I almost threw it away – blurry, out of focus. But I salvaged it from the trash and tacked it onto the refrigerator with a magnet – a smiling jalapena pepper holding a fire extinguisher. There it remains. It has become my favorite photo.

For two years I’ve dreaded this day. I thought it would come last year but Pavlov held on. Every time I thought it was Time he rallied and with relief I would put away the pet carrier.

But Tuesday I knew this was it.

I have no regrets. I spent lots of time with him these last few days. I held him a lot. I rubbed his eyebrows. I filled his bowls with anything he wanted to eat. I didn’t complain when he peed on the carpet or pooped in the hallway.

At 4 p.m. today I came home. Pavlov was hiding behind the TV, where he had spent the past two weeks. He looked so tired and confused. He had thrown up, peed and pooped all over the living room. I changed clothes, got the pet carrier out of the closet, and found his shoelace.

Then, I gathered him from behind the TV and held him very close to me, rubbing his eyebrows. He always liked his eyebrows rubbed. He got into the pet carrier with no complaint, and meowed very little on the trip out.

When the vet, Kelly Haeusler, told me it was time, I held him again and told him how sorry I was. When the needle went in he was gone almost instantly.

When I left the building with Pavlov in the pet carrier I cried. A woman and her son were parked next to me and saw me. They hugged their dog and I’d like to think they were thanking God he was still with them and they would not have to face this day for many years.

It was deliciously cool beneath the hickory nut trees. Mom arranged Pavlov with his towel and his shoelace, and I gave him a final scratch behind the ears and a rub of the eyebrows.

I find myself checking the doors to make sure they’re closed or walking with my head down to keep from stepping on a cat. I don’t need to do that any longer but it’s been 17 years and old habits are hard to break.

This house seems so empty and lonely without him.

I love you, Pavlov.

About the author:

Del Stone Jr. is a professional fiction writer. He is known primarily for his work in the contemporary dark fiction field, but has also published science fiction and contemporary fantasy. Stone’s stories, poetry and scripts have appeared in publications such as Amazing Stories, Eldritch Tales, and Bantam-Spectra’s Full Spectrum. His short fiction has been published in The Year’s Best Horror Stories XXII; Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine; the Pocket Books anthology More Phobias; the Barnes & Noble anthologies 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, Horrors! 365 Scary Stories, and 100 Astounding Little Alien Stories; the HWA anthology Psychos; and other short fiction venues, like Blood Muse, Live Without a Net, Zombiesque and Sex Macabre. Stone’s comic book debut was in the Clive Barker series of books, Hellraiser, published by Marvel/Epic and reprinted in The Best of Hellraiser anthology. He has also published stories in Penthouse Comix, and worked with artist Dave Dorman on many projects, including the illustrated novella “Roadkill,” a short story for the Andrew Vachss anthology Underground from Dark Horse, an ashcan titled “December” for Hero Illustrated, and several of Dorman’s Wasted Lands novellas and comics, such as Rail from Image and “The Uninvited.” Stone’s novel, Dead Heat, won the 1996 International Horror Guild’s award for best first novel and was a runner-up for the Bram Stoker Award. Stone has also been a finalist for the IHG award for short fiction, the British Fantasy Award for best novella, and a semifinalist for the Nebula and Writers of the Future awards. His stories have appeared in anthologies that have won the Bram Stoker Award and the World Fantasy Award. Two of his works were optioned for film, the novella “Black Tide” and short story “Crisis Line.”

Stone recently retired after a 41-year career in journalism. He won numerous awards for his work, and in 1986 was named Florida’s best columnist in his circulation division by the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. In 2001 he received an honorable mention from the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for his essay “When Freedom of Speech Ends” and in 2003 he was voted Best of the Best in the category of columnists by Emerald Coast Magazine. He participated in book signings and awareness campaigns, and was a guest on local television and radio programs.

As an addendum, Stone is single, kills tomatoes and morning glories with ruthless efficiency, once tied the stem of a cocktail cherry in a knot with his tongue, and carries a permanent scar on his chest after having been shot with a paintball gun. He’s in his 60s as of this writing but doesn’t look a day over 94.

Contact Del at [email protected]. He is also on Facebook, twitter, Pinterest, tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. Visit his website at delstonejr.com .