Attention shoppers: Mr. Stone must not be allowed to check out in a timely manner

“Attention grocery store shoppers: Mr. Stone has found the one item he intends to purchase and is heading to the front of the store. Drop what you are doing and RUN for the cash registers, NOW! Stampede if you must, but get there before he reaches the checkout aisle. There must be at least six people at every register. If you want to pay in rubles, that’s fine. A debit card with insufficient funds and no ID is also good. Or, our manager will be happy to approve your application for a personal check-cashing account, as soon as he gets back from his potty break. But under no terms must Mr. Stone be allowed to walk into the store, select an item, then proceed to the checkout and pay for it in a timely manner. That is all.”